A Distraught Gundlach Says “Alliteration Twins” Are Lying About Him As Conspiracy Deepens

There’s a lot of “fake news” circulating out there and it’s driving one man to the brink of insanity.

And no, I’m not talking about Donald Trump.

I’m talking about this man:

That’s Jeff Gundlach or, as Ghostbusters 2 fans know him, Vigo the Carpathian:

Heisenberg fans will recall that Jeff joined Twitter last month specifically to dispel “fake” Gundlach news.

What the “Bond King” found upon entering the Twitterverse was a veritable orgy of bad actors including, but certainly not limited to, rival bond fund managers who Jeff believes are engaged in a vast conspiracy to undermine him by creating fake Gundlach Twitter handles and unscrupulous trolls like @Jimmyjude13 who, despite Jeff’s protestations, think the only think to do in Buffalo is “jerk off.”

Earlier this month, Gundlach started to suspect that Bloomberg was engaging in some clickbait shenanigans by “jamming” his name into articles that don’t have anything to do with him while simultaneously ignoring a story about variable annuities for reasons Jeff can’t quite discern, but will get to the bottom of if it kills him.

Well earlier this week, Jeff lost his shit completely after Jim Cramer made the mistake of suggesting that Gundlach has gotten it wrong on stocks.

According to Jeff, this is the second time (at least) that Cramer has said that, but unlike the first time, now Gundlach has a Twitter account. Cue this:

We covered that as soon as it hit, but what we didn’t realize until last night was that Gundlach came back for more.

Apparently, Gundlach now believes Joe Kernen (and his perfect hair) may be behind this.

So naturally, he had to “truth” Joe and, in a major escalation, dubbed Joe and Jim “the alliteration twins”:

But Jeff wasn’t done.

After re-reading his own tweet a couple of hundred times, he decided maybe what he said didn’t make any fucking sense, and so he cleared things up as follows:

Of course there’s an argument to be made that Joe and Jim can’t really “watch CNBC” because Joe and Jim are CNBC, but that “nuance” probably escapes Jeff because after all, by virtue of having transcended space-time by appearing at SALT as a hologram, he actually can observe himself from another angle.

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