‘JOBS, JOBS, JOBS!’ Trump Is Super Happy About Jobs Report That Missed Everything

This is blatant propaganda. The jobs report missed everything.

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Cyprus Hands Over Paul Manafort’s Bank Records To Mueller

This doesn’t bode particularly well.

A Week After Saying He Has ‘One Of The Great Memories Of All Time’ Trump Says Can’t Remember Papadopoulos Meeting

“It was an unimportant meeting.”

Trump Wakes Up, Explains Twitter Outage, Demands DoJ Investigate E-mails, Uranium And ‘Plus, Plus’

“Someone do something!!”

Scarborough: If Someone Surprises Trump With A Wire, ‘The Ratings Will Be Yuge’

“Will the next big reveal in this reality show spectacle come when one of his closest confidants surprises him in the final episode, not with a rose, but with a wire?”

It Just Got Worse For Sessions: Carter Page Testifies That He Informed Sessions Of Moscow Trip

“…my passing comment’s complete lack of relevance should go without saying.”

Jeff Sessions In More Hot Water After Suddenly ‘Remembering’ Key Details About Papadopolous

Oops. Go figure right? It seems like Jeff Sessions seems to “remember” things only when he gets caught in a lie.

‘Civil War’ Erupts At Wall Street Journal Over ‘Batshit Crazy’ Trump Editorials

“It does feel like this is a different level of crazy,” the veteran editor said.

Trump Announces Broadcom Moving Headquarters Back To U.S., Shares Plunge

It’s all about “U.S. cities, towns and workers.”

Not Being A Scientist Wasn’t Enough To Keep Sam Clovis From Being ‘Chief Scientist’ But Treason Was A Bridge Too Far

Sorry, Sam. If the “I’m not really a scientist” bit doesn’t get ya, the “I may have committed a little bit of treason” bit surely will…

The Tax Code Is Fixed. And All It Took Was This 2-Page List Of Bullshit Bullet Points

“Game-changer.”

Trump Says Maybe Due Process Is Overrated, Screams About ‘DEATH PENALTY’ On Twitter

To be clear, “what we have right now” is due process.

‘He’s Fucked’: Allies, Bannon Reportedly Pondering ‘Endgame’ For Trump

“Mueller is going to go over every financial dealing of Jared Kushner and the Trump Organization.”

Delusional: Trump Tells NYT Mueller Probe Has ‘Nothing To Do With’ Trump

“I’m really enjoying it.”

Trump Demands End To Diversity Lottery Program, Proceeds To Regale Reporters On Everything From Gitmo To China To Yellen

If you can come up with a coherent message from all of the above we’d love to hear it.