China: We’ll Take ‘Immediate, Intense’ Action If U.S. Publishes New Tariff List

An “immediate, intense” fucking.

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Is This The Chart Trump Is Looking At When It Comes To ‘Winning’ A Trade War With China?

“Let’s run through the numbers”.

Investors And Analysts Tire Of ‘Childish’ Trump: ‘It’s Just Too Much’

Remember, he’s going to run this country like one of his businesses…

Trump Flips Out, Orders USTR To Consider Another $100 Billion In Tariffs On China

Trump’s not done.

China: Trump Is ‘Blind Man Riding In A Hummer’ But Our ‘Sword Will Have The Final Victory’

“China officially launched its sword in less than 24 hours.”

‘He Said That To Me’: Poor Larry Kudlow Actually Thinks Trump Is Telling Him The Truth On Trade

Don’t worry everyone! Larry Kudlow will save us!

As Boeing Dives, Markets Plunge, Trump Says ‘We’re Not In A Trade War With China Because We Already Lost That War’

“Foolish people.”

‘Say Hello To My Little Friend!’ Global Markets In Turmoil As China Strikes Back At Trump Tariffs

“You wanna play rough?!”

Trump Administration Releases China Tariff List Aimed At Crippling Chinese Tech Push

Ok, the U.S. Trade Representative’s office has published the list of Chinese products that will be subject to U.S. tariffs. 

Art Cashin: The Selloff ‘Got The White House’s Attention’

“It was dangerous to see the rollover and going negative. If they had gone seriously negative, it could have doomed the week.”

At Insane Ceremony With Confused Rabbit, Trump Forgets Name Of White House, Tells Children About The Military

“We call it sometimes ‘tippy-top shape.'”

Trump Wakes Up, Says Migrant Caravan ‘Better Stop’, Says Media Has A ‘Sick Agenda’, Calls Obama A Cheater

It’s 7:00 a.m. ET, do you know where your President is?

Trump Loses Mind Over Migrant ‘Caravan’, Says DACA Is Dead Because Dems Want ‘Drugs And Crime’

It’s hilarious and also fantastic because you have to know he’s terrified of what his supporters will think when the pictures of 1,000 Hondurans figuratively knocking on America’s door start showing up on the evening news.

Trump Warns ‘Caravans’ Of Crazy Mexicans ‘Are Coming’, Says NO MORE DACA DEAL!’

‘HAPPY EASTER!’

It’s Not ‘Unleashed’, It’s ‘Unhinged’: Advisers, Aides Describe An Isolated Trump

Well, according to the Washington Post, Trump’s life is basically a series of steak dinners with some (very bad) president-ing in between.