Jeff Sessions Won’t Recuse Himself From Cohen Probe Because If He Does That, How Will He Feed Trump All The Juicy Details?

Yeah, I mean what do you expect, right? 

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‘He’ll End Up Shooting Us In The Foot’: Trump’s $100 Billion Tariff Gamble Is Going To Cost You At The Cash Register

“Habitually. He’s a habitual line stepper.”

Trump Wakes Up, Says ‘Flunkie’ Haberman Is Conspiring With ‘Drunk Losers’ To Get Cohen To ‘Flip’

“I don’t see Michael doing that”.

Midnight Trump Is Worried That An Illegally Established ‘Special Council’ Is Out To Get Him

“Really, does everyone know what this means?”

No.

Rudy Giuliani And Trump: Let’s Explore!

“Mueller is currently grinding the heel of his wingtip into Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen’s balls, not because he’s trying to flip them, but because he’s just a couple of weeks away from wrapping this whole thing up. Sounds legit!”

Democratic Party Sues Russia, Trump Campaign, WikiLeaks Alleging Massive Conspiracy

“A brazen attack on American democracy.”

Trump Accuses OPEC Of Being ‘At It Again’, Says He Won’t ‘Accept’ Higher Oil Prices

What. The. Actual. Fuck?

China Incredulous At Trump’s Tech Threat: ‘He’s Acting Like A Bully, Is America Really That Fragile?’

“U.S. is asking China to open its markets but creates obstacles for China, contravening principles of equality, fairness and reciprocity.”

Rosenstein To Trump: You’re Not A Target Of Any Part Of Mueller Investigation

So, as Trump would say, “we’ll see what happens.”

Here’s What Happens Next In The Trump-China Trade War, According To Goldman

It’s more likely than not that Trump takes it up another notch, so be prepared.

Trump Wakes Up, Says Porn Stars Are Making Up Tom Bradys, Says He’s Excited To Meet Kim Jong-Un

The President wishes you a happy Wednesday.

Michael Cohen May Represent Himself While Wearing A Sofa Blazer And Smoking A Cuban

“Stop it, dude! You’re killing us.”

Trump Wakes Up, Screams At Russia, China For ‘Playing Unacceptable Devaluation Games!’

“Not acceptable!”

‘Slippery James’ And ‘Wild Bill’: How Insane Was Trump’s Sunday Twitter Rant?

What would this sound like if we quoted him like a normal person? I don’t know, let’s try it!

Is Michael Cohen The Dumbest Lawyer In America? Maybe, Probably, Yes!

“There are 1.3 million lawyers in America, but Michael Cohen may be the stupidest one of all.”