Michael Cohen Thought His Life Already Sucked Pretty Bad And Then The F.B.I. Raided His Office On Monday

We’ve had our fair share of fun at the expense of Trump’s personal lawyer Michael Cohen, who is more “beleaguered” than Jeff Sessions after a presidential Twitter tirade.

To be sure, Cohen is wrapped up in all manner of shit (as tends to happen when you’re an attorney for Donald Trump) and now, according to the New York Times, the FBI has raided his office.

As you’re aware if you follow our Cohen coverage (which, we’d be remiss not to note, comes in large part via the incomparable FDF, whose fantastic legal color/satire we’re generously allowed to reprint courtesy of the good folks at Wonkette), Michael is knee-deep in the Stormy Daniels saga and apparently, there’s a connection between that and Monday’s raid. Here’s the Times:

The F.B.I. on Monday raided the office of President Trump’s longtime personal lawyer, Michael D. Cohen, seizing records related to several topics including payments to a pornographic-film actress.

Federal prosecutors in Manhattan obtained the search warrant after receiving a referral from the special counsel, Robert S. Mueller III, according to Mr. Cohen’s attorney.

“Today the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of New York executed a series of search warrants and seized the privileged communications between my client, Michael Cohen, and his clients,” said Stephen Ryan, his lawyer. “I have been advised by federal prosecutors that the New York action is, in part, a referral by the Office of Special Counsel, Robert Mueller.”

The $130,000 payment to Daniels (that would be the porn star hush money) is problematic for a long list of reasons and as the Times reminds you, that’s “just the tip” (get it?) of the iceberg for Cohen.

“Mr. Cohen plays a role in aspects of the special counsel’s investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election,” NYT notes, adding that he’s “cooperated with authorities and turned over thousands of documents to congressional investigators looking into Russian election meddling.”

On Monday, agents reportedly seized emails, tax documents and other business records. And the best part? This:

The seized records include communications between Mr. Trump and Mr. Cohen.

According to Vanity Fair, agents also raided his hotel room:

The paparazzi lingering outside the Loews Regency on Park Avenue, hoping to get a photo of U.F.C. fighter Conor McGregor, appeared not to notice the stream of F.B.I. agents who entered the New York hotel early Monday morning, as they made their way up to the room where the president’s personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, has been staying. A handful of them remained upstairs for several hours, according to a source familiar with the situation.

[…]

The cheery hotel scene belied what has become a growing legal headache for Cohen as Robert Mueller’s Russia probe has expanded to include inquiries into the Trump Organization’s business records and foreign dealings, including in Russia. Last week, McClatchy reported that the special counsel’s investigators showed up with subpoenas to the home of an associate of the Trump Organization, compelling sworn testimony and electronic records. The report indicated that investigators were interesting in interactions involving Cohen.

For his part, Cohen’s own attorney called the raid “completely inappropriate and unnecessary,” which is great because this is when we get to remind readers (and implicitly, all of the people out there who keep insisting that Trump’s legal problems are about to go away), that it is not up to you whether these actions are “inappropriate and/or necessary.” The FBI will decide that and you, like the President, will just have to deal with it.

So given this Cohen raid is an SDNY investigation referred by Mueller, and not a Mueller action, it would appear there is a SECOND criminal investigation into the president's inner circle.

— Matthew Miller (@matthewamiller) April 9, 2018

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— Ivan the K™ (@IvanTheK) April 9, 2018

I sincerely hope that when the FBI agents conducting these raids on Trump associates barge in they say: "Bobby Three Sticks says hello motherfuckers."

— Walter White (@heisenbergrpt) April 9, 2018