By Evan Hurst as originally published over at Wonkette and reposted here with permission
Rapidly aging squirrel taint Sean Hannity did not like the scoop Thursday night about President Shithole trying to fire special counsel Robert Mueller in a fit of bloated, know-nothing rage. It was GRRRRRR NEWS that came from the DEEP STATE NEW YORK TIMES, which is trying to DISTRACT YOU from the very real and factual and important things Sean Hannity mama bird vomits into his stable of genius TV viewers each night.
Luckily, a nice HuffPost reporter named Matt Fuller cut all the funny/good parts of last night’s Hannity into a nice 46 second video, and it is the best thing on the whole internet this week. Thanks, Matt Fuller!
In our first scene, NYT has just broken the Trump Mueller news. Whereas the normal networks have shifted to breaking news mode, Hannity reacts differently:
Tonight … they’re trying to change the story.
(From the real story, which is OMG these two people in the FBI? Were fuckin’? And they don’t like Donald Trump? So sometimes when they weren’t fuckin’? They sent each other text messages? And some of the sexts said mean stuff about Trump? But then they went back to fuckin’? THIS MEANS THEY HAVE A SECRET SOCIETY TO MURDER TRUMP BECAUSE EVERYBODY KNOWS THE FIRST RULE OF SECRET SOCIETIES IS YOU CALL THEM “SECRET SOCIETIES.”)
At this hour, the New York Times is trying to distract you! They have a story that Trump wanted Mueller fired, sometime last June, and our sources – I’ve checked in with many of them! – they’re not confirming that tonight! And the president’s attorney dismissed the story and said, “nope, no comment, we’re not going there.” And how many times has the New York Times gotten it wrong?
Yeah. Shut up, New York Times! Sean Hannity is here to say the news, and this ain’t it! So anyway, back to how Hillary Clinton was spotted in an airplane wearing a Jane Fonda mask and blowing chemtrails directly up the ass of real American Trump voters in Pennsylvania! Where’s the special counsel for investigating Hillary’s criminal Satanic chemtrail assblowing?
Fast forward in Hannity’s show:
All right, so we have sources tonight just confirming … that yeah, maybe Donald Trump wanted to fire the special counsel for conflict – does he not have the right to raise those questions?
OK fine so NYT wasn’t “wrong” per se, but like come on, is it even physically possible for Donald Trump to do something wrong in the eyes of unpatriotic weasel pubes like Sean Hannity and the people who watch his show? Now everybody go to your Trump shrine and lick it a bunch, with your mouth. Führer Trump demands your worship!
By the way, the whole time Hannity was saying that, he was like this:
And then he was like this:
And this:
Now, to be clear, this next part is not a fast-forward. These are the words that came out of Hannity’s mouth immediately after the last thing:
You know? We’ll deal with this tomorrow night.
No we won’t.
We have a shocking video of the day to bring you, by the way. This footage comes to us from Arizona, where you see that red SUV, high-speed police chase, ultimately the suspects …
YES FOR FUCKING REAL SEAN HANNITY IMMEDIATELY DISTRACTED EVERYBODY WITH A CAR CRASH VIDEO.
When Sean Hannity dies, whether of old age or in a self-inflicted Tide Pod fireworks accident, this clip from his show will be embedded on his tombstone, because have you ever seen anything that sums up his entire career so beautifully? It’s just fucking spectacular.
This morning in Davos, Donald Trump responded to the NYT report, calling it “fake news” and “typical New York Times,” which is funny, because didn’t his old pal Sean Hannity confirm the story, before he distracted his viewers with naked booby lady pictures? Pretty sure he did!
“Fox & Friends” was also in fine form this morning, bitching and moaning about how NYT only had FOUR UNNAMED SOURCES and besides it “screams of a leak from the special counsel,” because we all know Robert Mueller is such a leaker. Fox News idiot Ainsley Earhardt concluded, “Do you even care?” No, Ainsley Earhardt, you and your co-hosts Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade are too stupid to care.
Thoughts ‘n’ prayers for the entire Fox News family. Thoughts ‘n’ prayers!
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Even though Dutch intelligence has video evidence of Russian agents hacking into the DNC, Hannity still probably thinks it was Seth Rich, or perhaps that four hundred pound guy on his bed.
LOL – Hannity and all those Fox people, on both sides of the screen, need better meds.
It really blows my mind that there is actually a wide enough audience to keep this loon on tv. He and his assembly obviously have no regard for the damage they cause to America with their tripe. It is a real shame that FOX takes advantage of the freedoms we have in America and puts such disgusting people in front of cameras to spew their ridiculous crap and feed the maladjusted cretins their daily dose.
Who runs that place? Cut off the head of the snake. Shut FOX down.
Here’s some reminders about FOX – work your magic America. Can America shut the door?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fox_News
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rupert_Murdoch
NOTES: Takeover of sky (Aquisition)
In January 2018, the CMA blocked Murdoch from taking over the remaining 61% of BSkyB it does not already own, over fear of market dominance that could potentialise censorship of the media.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Competition_and_Markets_Authority
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_UK
http://bigthink.com/Resurgence/sharia-prince-owns-stake-in-fox-news-parent
NOTE: quote – I know the FOX News audience, at an average age of 65, is old, but …
ALSO, quote – you have to wonder about the news producers at FOX News–they must play “Bad Minority Bingo” every week during their production meetings to see which group they will demonize next. But what else can you expect from a media mindset so endemic throughout the entire TV broadcast news industry that Andrew Brietbart will be a featured guest on CNN, MSNBC, and FOX News come fall as a credible political analyst?
just a bit more here…
FROM
http://bigthink.com/Resurgence/sharia-prince-owns-stake-in-fox-news-parent
QUOTE There is no doubt that Sean Hannity is a huckster in the tradition of those patent medicine salesmen from the 19th century, who sold potions and poultices guaranteed to cure whatever it was that ailed you. The real question is, why do people keep buying what he and his FOX News cohorts are selling?
CHECK THEM OUT: http://bigthink.com/
If only half of what this article says is true, FOX could get shut down by the FCC.
Wondering…are you referring to the Wonkette article reposted by Heis? I believe it is 100% based on truth. Am I wrong? Which part is not? I saw multiple clips of idiot Hannity stumbling around in what he wanted to say but ended up a deer in the headlights — a good look for him too.
Everyday we hear/see things being broadcast from FOX News that are filling the air and minds of people with completely irrational suggestions, making a point to say it is all the truth, completely laughable sewage, and being heard and spread by the weakest minds in America. I find it hard to believe that people actually believe any of it!
Shut down FOX News.