John Garofalo Is An American Hero And ‘Thank God’ Fox News Had ‘The Balls’ To Tell His Story

This week has been all about American heroes.

Specifically, war heroes. You know, the type of war heroes who fight and, sadly, die in the service of the country.

Donald Trump is a man who definitely respects that sacrifice. In fact, he would have gladly made that sacrifice himself if it weren’t for those damn bone spurs in his heels.

So you can understand how much it irks Trump to know that before him, no American President had ever thought to call the families of soldiers who died in combat. I mean, that’s not technically true, but you know what they say: “let he who hasn’t lied about former Presidents calling Gold Star Families cast the first stone.”

This week, Trump ushered in a new era for relations between Presidents and military families. The cynical among you might say that because other Presidents actually did call Gold Star Families, this “new” era is exactly like the “old” era, but that ignores the innovation on full display this week during Trump’s call to the family of Sgt. La David Johnson, who was killed in Niger last week.

See, in times of grief, it’s important to keep perspective. That’s why Trump told Johnson’s widow that although she might be inclined to think that her husband was surprised when he was ambushed and murdered, La David “knew what he signed up for.” Additionally, it’s easy for families to selfishly focus on the person they just lost. And that’s fine, but you also want to remember that other people have made the ultimate sacrifice too. That’s why, in his conversation with Myeshia Johnson, Trump opted to refer to La David as “your guy.” Ahhh yes, he was an American hero and we’ll never forget him — brave ol’ what’s his name.

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking something along these lines: “this is so unfair, after all, this is just Trump’s word against the word of “wacky Wilson.” But as “wacky Wilson” herself noted earlier this week, there were “other people in the car.”

One of those “other people” was Cowanda Jones-Johnson, who raised La David from age 5 after his mother died. And here’s what Cowanda had to say when asked by the Associated Press whether Wilson’s account of the conversation was in fact “wacky”:

Yes the statement is true, I was in the car and I heard the full conversation.

Got that? So either she’s lying about her own dead sort-of-son, or Trump is lying.

But this isolated (and completely avoidable) debacle aside, it’s important to remember that the President enjoys broad-based support from brave heroes who served this country with honor and integrity. Heroes like this man, self-taught glass artist and creepy guy you tried to avoid when you stopped for gas at a highway truck stop, John Garofalo:

John was the star of an October 8 segment on Fox, a segment that featured Garofalo showing off a giant, homemade glass presidential seal that he built to “honor” President Trump. Here’s the segment (and watch it now, because I imagine it will be removed):

How touching. That’s what America is all about. Here’s a Vietnam veteran and Navy SEAL with two purple hearts “coming out of retirement” to build a glass sculpture in honor of a President who “woke something up in him.”

And as Fox New’s Bryan Llenas meticulously documents, Garofalo “served seven years as a member of the nation’s first Navy SEAL team, was awarded 22 commendations, including two Purple Hearts, [and] was listed twice during his service in Vietnam as missing in action.”

Yes, “missing in action.” The funny thing is, when the Navy Times checked on this, records of Garofalo’s heroism were also “missing in action.” It turns out that “the closest he ever got to Vietnam was a tour in Rota, Spain.”

When reached for comment, Garofalo “admitted he had lied and never served in Vietnam, never received a Purple Heart and was never a SEAL.”

How Fox managed to miss this is a mystery as is their response when called on their “mistake.” “A Fox representative said in an email that it would run an on-air correction Sunday and corrections would be made on its website and Facebook page,” the Military Times writes.

“I don’t know who has the balls in this day and age to do something like that,” said Don Shipley, a retired SEAL who apparently contacted Fox News about retracting the bogus story, something they still have not done in full.

At the end of the Fox segment – which tallied 1.5 million Facebook views – an anchor is heard saying: “God bless John Garofalo. We certainly hope maybe the president is listening.”

Yeah. Fake news, running a story about a fake Navy SEAL, and imploring a fake President to share the story.

Go fucking figure.