A Fired Up Trump Tells Russia To ‘Get Ready’ For ‘Nice, New’ Missiles Aimed At ‘Gas Killing Animal’ Assad

Donald Trump is awake and he is irritated as hell.

First and foremost, he’s pissed that everyone keeps talking about “turmoil” at the White House where, contrary to what everyone says, things are running like a well-oiled machine, ok?

Actually, that’s not quite accurate. To be precise, Trump’s administration is “very calm and calculated” according to Trump’s first Wednesday tweet and that makes sense, because if you had to pick the two adjectives that are most often used to describe this President, they’d be “calm and calculating” (in that order). Next would be “stable genius.”


Also, Trump wants you to know that it “feels great” to have Larry Kudlow and John Bolton wandering around, one grumbling something indecipherable about taxes and supply-side econ via a voice box that’s still struggling to get out from under a Merit Ultra Light habit and the other sporting a giant hard on at all the bombs we’re about to drop on Syria.

Here’s the President:


The second part of that tweet revolves around Trump’s legal trials and tribulations which took a decisive turn for the worst on Monday when personal lawyer (and retarded Michael Clayton), Michael Cohen had his offices, home and hotel room raided by the FBI. Trump is now all set to (probably) fire Rosenstein, Sessions, Mueller, or hell, maybe all three depending on what kind of mood he’s in, and underscoring that is the following attempt to go ahead and let you know that if he were to fire them (a.k.a. “fight back”) that wouldn’t constitute obstruction:


I mean, how fucking transparent is that in terms of trying to let America know that shaking up the DoJ wouldn’t be obstruction? For a guy who claims to not like tipping his hand, he sure does it a lot.

Speaking of tipping his hand, he is apparently aghast at the idea that Moscow would consider shooting down any missiles fired at Assad the “gas killing animal”. According to Trump, Putin needs to “get ready” because America’s missiles “will be coming” and they are “nice and new and ‘smart'” although what isn’t so “smart” is putting the word “smart” in scare quotes because technically, that means they’re dumb:


There you go, goddammit. America wakes up to some pipin’ hot covfefe, courtesy of President Dennison, who has clearly overdosed on Fox & Friends and is in rare fucking form on Wednesday.


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9 thoughts on “A Fired Up Trump Tells Russia To ‘Get Ready’ For ‘Nice, New’ Missiles Aimed At ‘Gas Killing Animal’ Assad

  1. Ironically, and disgracefully, more death and destruction in Syria will garner trump support, even from some Dems, and the critical media.

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