I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Donald Trump’s trade war idea is getting great reviews.
And really, that’s not surprising.
Because Trump is a guy who “gets it”, ok? “A lot of people are saying that.”
Everyone knows that before January 2017, America was for the most part a bone-strewn wasteland, desolate and barren. It’s like Trump said in his inauguration speech:
… rusted out factories [are] scattered like tombstones across the landscape of our nation.
Whether you realize it or not, most of America is like Cormac McCarthy’s The Road. It’s just single parents wandering the hellscape in search of food and fuel while trying to keep their young children from being eaten by cannibals.
The coastal elites don’t know this because unlike Donald Trump, they’re not in touch with everyday Americans. Everyday Americans like billionaire Wilbur Ross who, much like the protagonists in The Road, occasionally stumbles across a lonely can of Coke – a brightly colored memento amid the grim, monochromatic void (or, in Wilbur’s case, against the watercolor backdrop of Palm Beach County).
Thankfully, we need not surrender to the dire straits bequeathed us by historical devils like Barack Obama and George Bush and Bill Clinton and another George Bush. No, we need not go gentle into that not-so-good night.
Because in our darkest hour, a champion descended on a golden escalator from the top floor of a golden tower emblazoned with his own name.
And behold, that champion delivered a message of hope. No longer must we resign ourselves to a future that casts us all as extras from a Mad Max reboot. We need not become scavengers in our own land.
Because reclaiming lost greatness was as simple as anointing a reality TV show host and inshallah, all would be set right (only don’t put it that way because if you do you’ll be deported).
Of course rebuilding America from the smoldering pile of ashes it had become by the time everyone finally wised up and made Trump President takes some time. And while we’re not there yet, we’re well on the way.
That gets us back to the steel and aluminum tariffs. See, what was announced on Thursday is part of turning things around. One great way to resurrect a failed state like America is to turn back the clock about 60 years to a time when men worked in dangerous factories all day. It’s the same thing with coal mines. The best way to resurrect Appalachia and save lives that might otherwise be lost to Oxy addiction is to put people back to work in hazardous mine shafts digging up the dirtiest source of energy imaginable so we can start polluting the air again. It all makes perfect sense.
Believe it or not, the best part about the tariffs is not that it puts people back to work in dangerous jobs while simultaneously providing those same people with a sense of false hope regarding the long-term viability of long-dead American industries. No, see that’s just a bonus.
The best part about this effort is that it will drive up prices on consumer goods for everyone. You might be inclined to think that’s a bad thing, but you need to remember that Trump solved that problem before it even came up by cutting taxes for low income Americans like Wilbur Ross.
Thanks to the fact that Trump’s tax cuts disproportionately accrue to everyday people who struggle to make ends meet like Wilbur does, any uptick in prices for things like chicken noodle soup or say, a family sedan, will be offset by the tax cuts.
That’s what Wilbur was trying to explain when he showed up on CNBC with the can of Coke shown above on the way to defending the tariffs which he himself had a role in designing.
This really does all make sense when you step back and think about it. And that’s why, coming full circle, literally everyone is giving the proposed tariffs rave reviews.