Well, Donald Trump just delivered what might very fairly be described as one of the most unhinged speeches the public has witnessed since his infamous “sons of bitches”/”rocket man” rant in Huntsville.
The President, speaking at the CPAC conference, skipped deftly (or maybe “deafly” is better) from talking point to talking point with no regard whatsoever for coherence, let alone decorum.
This was truly something to behold. By virtue of the sheer scope of topics covered and the incredible number of windmills tilted at, summarizing it is an exercise in abject futility.
Suffice to say he was in rare form, where that means ditching teleprompter Trump for a combination of campaign trail bombast and dictatorial balderdash with a sprinkle of Alzheimer’s thrown in for good measure.
Here are some of the bullet points from this spectacle (please just try and appreciate how objectively crazy it is for a President to say some of this shit, let alone cram it all into a single speech):
- TRUMP SAYS HE’S PROVEN THAT HE’S A CONSERVATIVE
- TRUMP: CAN’T ALLOW GOP TO `GET CLOBBERED’ IN 2018 MIDTERMS
- TRUMP SAYS WILL NEVER ALLOW 2ND AMENDMENT TO BE TAKEN AWAY
- TRUMP SAYS OBAMACARE BEING WIPED OUT PIECE-BY-PIECE
- TRUMP BLAMES 1 GOP SENATOR FOR VOTING AGAINST OBAMACARE REPEAL
- TRUMP SAYS U.S. HAS THE `WORST TRADE DEALS,’ CITES VIETNAM
- TRUMP SAYS PARIS CLIMATE ACCORD WOULD HAVE BEEN DISASTER
- TRUMP SAYS STOCK MARKET DID A LITTLE BIT OF A CORRECTION
- TRUMP SAYS IRAN NUCLEAR DEAL WAS HORRIBLE
- TRUMP TELLS CROWD, `DON’T WORRY, YOU’RE GETTING THE WALL’
- TRUMP SAYS HAD A LOT OF WARNING ABOUT `SICK’ PARKLAND SHOOTER
- TRUMP: MAKING SCHOOLS GUN-FREE ZONES PUTS KIDS IN MORE DANGER\
- TRUMP SAYS CONCEALED-CARRY PERMIT NEEDED FOR SCHOOLS
- TRUMP SAYS FLA. SCHOOL GUARD TURNED OUT TO BE NOT TOO GOOD
- TRUMP SAYS IMMIGRATION LAWS `SO BAD,’ ALLOWS GANG MEMBERS IN
- TRUMP SAYS DEMOCRATS `ALWAYS FIGHTING FOR THE CRIMINAL’
- TRUMP SAYS CAN’T HAVE LARGE TRADE DEFICITS, BLAMES TRADE DEALS
As far as how he rates his first year in office, it should come as no surprise that according to Trump, Trump has been the greatest President of all time (and do note how he employs a classic Trump maneuver by saying “I won’t say me” as if he doesn’t realize that by saying that, he is effectively saying “me”):
And here he is getting the crowd to chant “lock her up” despite the fact that his associates are literally being indicted for high treason one by one and look like they’re set to flip on each other and then probably on him:
Again, it’s not entirely clear what the best route is when it comes to making fun of this. Like most of what he says these days, it is so insane that it eludes attempts to lampoon it. The English language is not a sufficient tool when it comes to communicating how wild this is.
I guess at the end of the day, it’s best to just channel Rex Tillerson: “The President speaks for himself, Chris.