Ok, so according to Donald Trump (who spoke to CNBC anchor-turned Fox News reporter Maria Bartiromo), the question on everyone’s mind is: “when exactly did you tell President Xi Jinping that you conducted airstrikes on Syria?”
Well, “because [Fox] has treated [him] so good for so long,” Trump decided to tell Bartiromo the story.
Apparently, Trump gave the order to launch 59 Tomahawk missiles just as the “most beautiful piece of chocolate cake you’ve ever seen” was arriving at the table. It was, according to Trump’s estimates, about yea bigly…
“President Xi,” Trump explains, “was really enjoying it.”
It was at exactly that point that “the Generals” told Trump “the ships were locked and loaded.”
Now to be sure, Xi was probably going to be shocked anyway to learn that Trump had just made a mid-chocolate-cake-bite decision to bomb another country, but I’d imagine the real surprise came when Trump informed the Chinese President that the target was in fact “Iraq”. Listen below:
Trump remembers details of cake he was eating while launching missiles, but not which country he was attacking. pic.twitter.com/TYfqXXDeCZ
— Kenneth P. Vogel (@kenvogel) April 12, 2017
He is a disgrace. Total buffoon.
People called Trump “The Manchurian Candidate.” I think he’s more, Johnny Iseling.
“Mrs. Iselin: [at meal time] I’m sorry, hon’. Would it really make it easier for you if we settled on just one number?
Sen. John Yerkes Iselin: Yeah. Just one, real, simple number that’d be easy for me to remember.
[Mrs. Iselin watches her husband thump a bottle of Heinz Tomato Ketchup onto his plate]
Sen. John Yerkes Iselin: [addressing the Senate] There are exactly 57 card-carrying members of the Communist Party in the Department of Defense at this time!”
Xi is probably wondering why this idiot did not make sure that the strike actually did its job. Assad was able to cluster bomb the same people from the same airfield a day later. Maybe someone that really wanted to make a change in the Syrian position would sent a B2 with 80000 pounds of high explosives to turn the airfield into mince meat along with the Tomahawks. But that would have taken time from his chocolate cake. As Tuco would say, “When you have to shoot, shoot, don’t talk”
The porch light was on, but nobody was home. Duh…..
Trump with X,I beautiful chocolate cake on the table and fat ass Trump chewing and talking at the same time, “Hey XI great cake huh, by the way (as crumbs and pieces fly out his pie hole) dropped a few tomahawks just now on that Assad boy in Syria (more crumbs as a big grin shows chocolate stained teeth) and you better deal with our North Korea runt or we will.” Trump thinks, “that will show’em whose boss”.