On more than a few occasions, I’ve been accused of being a “bitter liberal.” Someone who “still hasn’t gotten over Hillary Clinton losing the election ‘big league.'”
The truth is, I don’t really give a sh*t about that.
What I care about is the extent to which the last nine months has demonstrated that the very foundation of Western democracy is cracking.
I care about the fact that Steve Bannon, a known racist and former Head Lunatic of a bigoted, conspiracy theory-driven media outlet managed to secure a seat on the National Security Council.
I care about the fact that Europe is about to succumb to a populist furor (or maybe “führer” is better) that marks an epochal political shift and threatens to usher in a new social order characterized by the rebirth of fierce nationalism.
And I care about the extent to which a large percentage of American voters have been led to believe that the real news is actually fake news, and that this charade is being perpetuated by none other than the king of fake news, the aforementioned Steve Bannon.
Part of Bannon’s agenda is to create the illusion that America is like Egypt or Pakistan or f*cking Turkey. That is, there’s a “deep state” that’s constantly conspiring to derail the agenda of the leader who, of course, is just looking out for the best interests of the populace. I discussed this at length on Tuesday in “The ‘Deep State’: Why Trump’s Conspiracy Theory Is Both Bullsh*t And Dangerous.”
Yesterday evening, I followed that post up with a piece highlighting just how schizophrenic Trump’s Saturday tweet tirade truly was, on the way to suggesting that perhaps, the President just guaranteed his own impeachment.
Well today, I wanted to present a few excerpts from a hilarious WaPo opinion piece entitled “The Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy Against Me.” In short – and I’m talking to Trump’s support base here – this is how f*cking crazy this all sounds to the rest of us.
Joe Biden is following me. I go to lunch at Mickey’s Diner and he’s sitting two stools away, wearing a stocking cap and a fake mustache with a fake nose and glasses but he says, “Hey, how’s it going, fella?” It’s Joe Biden. So pathetic. Sad.
He is conducting a destabilization campaign against me, putting chemicals in my food that make me behave erratically. Why?
Because he and his secret cabal are terrified of what I represent.
My guiding principle from the beginning has been Make Earth The Center Again. Not the sun. Earth First.
Ever since Pope Urban VIII failed to shut down Galileo and the fake science of Copernicus, Judeo-Christian civilization has been in steady decline. It’s the plain truth. That’s why the Pilgrims came to the New World, to escape solar-centrist ideology.
Solar power is killing us. This country is on the verge of collapse. We are up against powerful forces. Did you know that James Comey is actually Jimmy Hoffa? People are surprised when I point this out, but it’s true. Same first names, last names of five letters. Just a Coincidence? No way. “Comey” was Hoffa’s code name in his Teamster days, short for “Comrade.” He knew the only way to beat the FBI was to join it, and now he’s part of the secret cabal.
So are Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi — note that their first names have five letters — and what is even more shocking: They are the same person. That’s why you never see them arm in arm.
S/he has a dream: to become the first transgender president of the United States and take the “Men” and “Women” signs off every toilet including the ones in your own home so that anyone can come into your home and use the toilet for as long as they please, no matter who else needs to use it, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
That’s why Biden and Jimmy and Schelosi are after me. Because 50 million people read my column every week. Fifty million. It’s the most-read column in American journalism since Robert Ripley’s “Believe It or Not” — that’s why I am paid $500 million a year and travel in a private train and am surrounded by heavy security at all times.
Everywhere I go, people tell me they love my column — black people, Mexicans, Jews, women, people of all ages — and everyone I meet asks me, “Why not the front page? Why are you stuck back in Op-Ed? It’s so sad.”
I’m in Op-Ed with all the wackos because the Deep State is out to undermine my credibility. But the fact is: I have been right all along. About everything. It all happened exactly as I said it would.