Epsilon Theory’s Latest: Wall Street’s Merry Pranks

“But for a universe of individual investors (and rather distressingly, probably some institutional investors, too), the message of empowerment is anything but. It’s a nudge into terrible portfolios, terrible costs and terrible outcomes. But hey, at least they got religion and implemented those terrible, far-too-actively-traded portfolios with ETFs!”

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Trump Said To Lean Towards Powell For Fed – Unclear If Lou Dobbs Is Involved

Maybe Lou Dobbs changed his mind, or maybe Trump held another straw poll, or maybe he just woke up on the “Powell side” of the bed this morning, but according to sources who spoke to Bloomberg, Jerome is going to get the job.

The Taliban Tried To Murder Jim Mattis Today With Rocket-Propelled Grenades

“[I want] to reinforce to the Taliban that the only path to peace and political legitimacy for them is through a negotiated settlement.”

In Scathing Op-Ed, Krauthammer  Proclaims: ‘The Trump Defense Is Officially Dead’

“The Russia scandal has entered a new phase, and there’s no going back”…

Jeff Sessions Should Go To Jail

“But not for the reasons you think”…

Now They’ll Be More Dovish: Goldman Tweaks Fed Outlook After CPI Miss

“We now expect the FOMC statement to include a stronger acknowledgement of the recent soft inflation data, and our expectations for the Summary of Economic Projections have become incrementally more dovish.”

Don’t Get “Cho’d”: Barclays Upgrades, Downgrades Stock On Same Day

“Cho did not immediately respond to an email and phone call seeking comment.”

Friday Humor: Segregated Parking At Bank Of America

One reader was dismayed this week, when she pulled up to her local Bank of America branch only to discover…

“Prepare For Excitement!” One Trader Thinks Higher Oil Prices Will Save Us All

Prepare for another round of “reflation trade” excitement…

In “Shocking” Move, Trump Gives Highly Classified ISIS Intel To Russians

“It is all kind of shocking.”

Apple To Buy Tesla, Netflix, Or Maybe Disney, Citi Imagines

We’re going with “other.”

Guest Post: Another FU?

“The market is way too cavalier about this weekend’s election. In modern history, there has never been a French election without one of the two main parties being in the second round. This is unprecedented. If someone tells you they know how the French electorate will behave, they are deluding themselves.”

Your Complete Visual Guide To The May FOMC Statement

“LaVorgna is out this afternoon with a visual tour of the May FOMC statement which we sincerely thank him for providing because just about the only conceivable way to make this meeting exciting is to draw some pictures”…

United In More Trouble As “Simon” The Giant Bunny Dies On The Way To O’Hare

“Simon had a vet’s check-up three hours before the flight and was fit as a fiddle.”

Goldman: Globalization Will Prevail, Macron To Beat Le Pen Handily

“Following the first-round outcome, the Le Pen camp have claimed that the second round of the election will represent a choice between Mr. Macron’s pro-globalisation agenda and their candidates more protectionist stance. Ms. Le Pen proposes the cancellation of existing free-trade agreements and opposes future ones.”