And Now, Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Minefield Sprint: Full Week Ahead Preview

So yeah, cue the mascot minefield meme.

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Fed Statement: Highlights, Red Line (They’re Going With ‘Close To’)

FED KEEPS RATES UNCHANGED, SAYS INFLATION `MOVED CLOSE’ TO 2%

The 3 ‘T’s: Full Week Ahead Preview

In essence, the same things everyone was watching last week (e.g. tech, trade, Trump) will be in focus again…

David Stockman Presents: The Truman Show

“The younger of the anchors (age 32) thought the $1.8 trillion was not a problem because the soaring debt and the Fed’s balance sheet shrinkage plan have been well telegraphed and will shock no one. Yes, and as we were tempted to reply, parking on a rail crossing and knowing that a freight train is barreling down the tracks is not likely to forestall the carnage.”

Black Tuesday: The Asian Stock Rout In Pictures

Massacre.

Trump Said To Lean Towards Powell For Fed – Unclear If Lou Dobbs Is Involved

Maybe Lou Dobbs changed his mind, or maybe Trump held another straw poll, or maybe he just woke up on the “Powell side” of the bed this morning, but according to sources who spoke to Bloomberg, Jerome is going to get the job.

The Taliban Tried To Murder Jim Mattis Today With Rocket-Propelled Grenades

“[I want] to reinforce to the Taliban that the only path to peace and political legitimacy for them is through a negotiated settlement.”

In Scathing Op-Ed, Krauthammer  Proclaims: ‘The Trump Defense Is Officially Dead’

“The Russia scandal has entered a new phase, and there’s no going back”…

Jeff Sessions Should Go To Jail

“But not for the reasons you think”…

Now They’ll Be More Dovish: Goldman Tweaks Fed Outlook After CPI Miss

“We now expect the FOMC statement to include a stronger acknowledgement of the recent soft inflation data, and our expectations for the Summary of Economic Projections have become incrementally more dovish.”

Don’t Get “Cho’d”: Barclays Upgrades, Downgrades Stock On Same Day

“Cho did not immediately respond to an email and phone call seeking comment.”

Friday Humor: Segregated Parking At Bank Of America

One reader was dismayed this week, when she pulled up to her local Bank of America branch only to discover…

“Prepare For Excitement!” One Trader Thinks Higher Oil Prices Will Save Us All

Prepare for another round of “reflation trade” excitement…

In “Shocking” Move, Trump Gives Highly Classified ISIS Intel To Russians

“It is all kind of shocking.”

Apple To Buy Tesla, Netflix, Or Maybe Disney, Citi Imagines

We’re going with “other.”