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Trump Wakes Up, Says Trade Wars Are ‘Good And Easy To Win’, Blasts ‘Dieing’ ‘Alex’ Baldwin

Good morning America!

Look, I know what you’re thinking.

You’re thinking that Donald Trump doesn’t understand that he’s setting the world down a dangerous path by trying to roll back decades of progress of free trade and globalism.

And you’re thinking that Thursday’s market selloff was down to Trump surprising everyone by announcing tariffs even though just a little over an hour previous, the White House suggested no tariffs were going to be announced on Thursday. That, you’re thinking, means maybe Trump doesn’t appreciate how delicate an issue this is.

 

And finally, you’re thinking that Trump being Trump, he’s likely to double down at least once on the bombast and risk further declines for equities and further reprisals from abroad before whatever’s left of his cabinet has a chance to talk some fucking sense into him.

Will if you’re thinking all of that, you can rest easy because…. oh, shit. Wait a minute. You can’t rest easy because Donald Trump is up before dawn tweeting about “winning” trade wars and Alec Baldwin.

See there? It’s so “easy”! If they “get cute”, you just “don’t trade anymore” and America “wins big.” I also love how he puts “USA” in there in case it’s not clear what country he’s talking about.

That right there is the kind of high level thinking we need and expect in the commander-in-chief.

And thankfully, he also addressed the other big question on everyone’s mind: what is Alec Baldwin thinking?

Now on the one hand, who exactly was “forced” to watch? But then again, why the fuck is he even talking about this at 6 a.m.? Oh, and this is what it originally said (note the two spelling mistakes):

dieing

Anyway, looks like the President is setting the stage for a “very stable genius” of a Friday.

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5 comments on “Trump Wakes Up, Says Trade Wars Are ‘Good And Easy To Win’, Blasts ‘Dieing’ ‘Alex’ Baldwin

  1. I needed a good laugh so I went to check out the replies to his Trade War tweet. This one went up as I was reading, “You stupid fucking prick. You can’t stop progress & globalisation, trade wars are good for nobody. You’re tanking the stock market & costing people money. #YouDon’tKnowWhatTheFuckYouAreDoing”

  2. LOL,Trump channeling Hoover. As far a retaliation, all it takes is the rest of the world not showing up for the next bond sale. $2T coming to market between Fed expirations and 2018 budget deficit, right? Oh, well, maybe I will be able to get those 10% 30 years I’ve always wanted…

  3. Big Stevie

    Wow.

    Trade wars are only easy to win if the objective is to destroy an economy and wreck citizens’ lives in the process.

    I think we now have enough evidence to conclude that our federal is not inept, it is evil; and we’re screwed regardless of who gets elected to any office.

    Apologies if my cynicism is showing again…

  4. I suspect that right now Trump is considering an executive order to force SNL to bring back Darrell Hammond. Wait a minute, that would make great SNL sketch.

  5. Pingback: Trump: I’m Not Backing Down Because ‘It’s Called NAFTA’ And Europe Sends Cars ‘Like Water’ - Financial Consultant

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