Maybe Pete Hegseth’s a war criminal, maybe he isn’t, but Donald Trump’s definitely a pirate. (“Argh!!”)
The US military on Wednesday seized an oil tanker off the coast of Venezuela, dialing up what’s already a cartoonish pressure campaign aimed at forcing Nicolás Maduro from power in Caracas.
The vessel was commandeered without incident in international waters, according to sources who spoke to the US media. Wisely in light of recent events in the Caribbean, the ship’s crew didn’t resist. God only knows what would’ve happened had they put up a fight.
No one was killed in the operation which, to make the obvious (and obviously macabre) joke, might’ve come as a disappointment to some of the itchy trigger fingers in Trump’s “Department of War.”
The ship was sanctioned. An official who spoke to Bloomberg, which originally reported the news, deemed it “a stateless vessel” whose last port of call was Venezuela.
Needless to say, the seizure — officially a “judicial enforcement action” — will make anyone facilitating crude shipments from Maduro think twice. Or not think about it at all.
No one’s going to be excited about the prospect of a run-in with the US Navy or Coast Guard. Particularly not with Hegseth barking shoot-to-kill orders.
Since September, Trump’s killed nearly 100 people across two-dozen strikes on alleged drug boats in the vicinity, garnering condemnation from locals and, increasingly, congressional scrutiny.
Now, in addition to 80-some-odd lives, Trump has an oil tanker on his belt. And not a small one either. Rather, a “large tanker,” as he put it, while chatting with reporters Wednesday.
How large? Trump’s glad you asked. “Very large.” Ok, but how large in the context of seized tankers? He’s glad you asked that too. “The largest one ever seized.”
One way or another, Trump’s determined to oust Maduro. Late in October, media reports suggested land strikes were imminent, but The White House apparently got cold feet. Since then, Trump’s intimated repeatedly that such attacks are still on the table.
During the same remarks at The White House Wednesday, Trump said that in addition to the tanker seizure, “other things are happening.”
Apparently Hegseth’s policy whispering general is certain you’re not a real soldier until you’ve killed. I wonder how many “kill coins” Petey has. And, have they hoisted a Jolly Donald on that freighter yet.
The oil is the story…and this won’t be the last act of piracy.
Poor Maduro. Hernandez gets a pardon, Maduro gets deposed. “Was it something I said?”
All depends if you’ve paid homage to the golden throne.
It’s interesting that everything the Lord of the Tiny hands is involved with is always claimed as the biggest (except the the stuff we all know isn’t and daddy couldn’t fix that).