Advertisements
Michael Cohen Trump

Michael Cohen’s Mad Lawyerin’ Skillz Still Not Sufficient To Shut Porn Star Up

"Cooley Law School in the hizzouse!"

By Five Dollar Feminist as originally published over at Wonkette and reposted here with permission 

FDF

Oh hi, Michael Cohen! Look, it’s Stormy Daniels with her lawyer Michael Avenatti and Anderson Cooper, fresh off taping an interview to tell the world about all the gross, orange boning she did with the gross, orange president. They all seem super worried about that restraining order you got from that Very Serious Arbitration Court in California. Remember last Wednesday when Sarah Huckabee Sanders realized that she accidentally spilled the beans about it at the White House Press Briefing? LOL!

You should definitely threaten to sue CBS right now if they broadcast Stormy’s interview with “60 Minutes.” That will ensure that no one watches it and the whole thing goes away. Via Buzzfeed,

Lawyers associated with President Donald Trump are considering legal action to stop 60 Minutes from airing an interview with Stephanie Clifford, the adult film performer and director who goes by Stormy Daniels, BuzzFeed News has learned.

“We understand from well-placed sources they are preparing to file for a legal injunction to prevent it from airing,” a person informed of the preparations told BuzzFeed News on Saturday evening.

Far be it from Wonkette to tell you how to law, Bro, but the courts tend to take a dim view of “prior restraints” on speech — they’re so touchy about the First Amendment and stuff. Plus, Michael, you get that her dancing fee on the Make America Horny Again tour doubles every time you talk shit about her in the papers, right?

Anyway, we’ve all seen that NDA you drafted with your mad lawyerin’ skillz. What a stroke of genius to make it so only Dick Dickington and Peggy Pussington could enforce the agreement! Fake Hush Money Campaign Finance Violation, LLC is a party to the contract, but if Donald Trump wants to keep Stormy quiet, he has to sue her himself. Cooley Law School in the hizzouse!

Look, Michael, we know you’re used to sitting in your office at Trump Tower screaming threats into the phone at some poor schlub. But Michael Avenatti sued the NFL, Paris Hilton, and some asshole named Donald Trump along with his producer Mark Burnett for stealing the idea for The Apprentice. Plus, this guy is a professional racecar driver. He ain’t afraid of some flunky bag man who can’t draft a simple hush money agreement! If you make it out of this with your license to practice law intact, it’ll be a goddamn miracle.

SAYS WHO? Says yr Wonkette! And the three million people who will probably watch Sunday’s episode of “60 Minutes” after you insisted on keeping it in the news cycle for another three days.

#PLEASE, indeed. You should probably tell your client to start shit tweeting about the case — that would totally help!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Wonkette is fully funded by lovely and talented readers like you! Click here to tip them!

**********************

 

 

Advertisements

19 comments on “Michael Cohen’s Mad Lawyerin’ Skillz Still Not Sufficient To Shut Porn Star Up

  1. Anonymous

    Well at least she doesn’t have to worry about Andy Cooper trying any funny business with her.

    I wonder who’s paying this model American, Stephanie Clifford (dba Stormy Daniels), to stir up a mess. Not that porn queen/stripper types are money whores — or that rich guys are above boinking them and then lawyering up to keep it quiet.

    You can’t make up this stuff! Now back to our regularly scheduled program…

  2. Journeyman

    Why are you spending such an inordinate amount of time on the Stormy Daniels story? Wealthy men have affairs with unscrupulous women – how is this news? Sure, he’s the President; sure, he courted the Christian crowd in the US under false pretenses (other than Romney, who hasn’t?); but when have you been led to believe that EVERYONE (not just Americans) isn’t a hypocrite and won’t publicly denounce but privately either applaud or not care about this entire story?

    I’d go further and state that this story is just humanizing Trump and endearing him to a broader group of people. The exact opposite of the intended consequence of beating this story like a dead horse.

    The man has had a gaggle of model-esque wives, none of whom seems to like him very much. I doubt this story is going to damage him; I repeat, it will likely make him more popular. In private people will think, “okay, he’s a virile man with a healthy physical appetite, I can understand that.”

    Rightfully attack the man’s policies, attack his understanding of concepts, attack his appointments, but who gives a shit about his side piece(s)? Is she a Russian operative plotting the downfall of Western Civilization? No? Just a woman who makes a career as a slam-piece? Okay, cool story.

    • Um yeah. If what is implied is true this is a major violation of campaign finance laws (see Edwards, John). Yet another crime by the criminals.

  3. Let’s use our creative juices. We’ll make up a concept called computer hacking. With that concept in mind we’ll assume that the Russians are really really good at it.

    Then, let’s take the fact that in “a mid-January 2016 email from Michael Cohen, one of Trump’s closest business advisers,” he wrote and asked longtime Putin lieutenant Dmitry Peskov for assistance in reviving a Trump deal that Cohen suggested was languishing. And once the Russians had Cohen’s email information they hacked all of his email accounts. https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/top-trump-organization-executive-reached-out-to-putin-aide-for-help-on-business-deal/2017/08/28/095aebac-8c16-11e7-84c0-02cc069f2c37_story.html?utm_term=.1c6f1cd6c047

    But let’s say that the Russian hacking went as far back as 2013. https://thesternfacts.com/busted-trumps-lawyer-michael-cohen-lied-he-does-have-russian-kremlin-contacts-8c61d2b95e4f

    And we’ve seen how sloppy Cohen and the Trump businesses are with about everything they do, so we can easiliy conclude that every porn star, playboy bunny, woman, or other scandal that Cohen covered-up for Trump long ago were on his computer hard drives and mail servers and came in to the possession of the Russians. Thus, a TON OF BLACKMAIL MATERIAL came into their hands to be used against a man running for President.

    So, why is the Stormy Daniels story relevant and important? Because given Trump’s track record of uncontrollable and unending cupidity and appetite with all kinds in this adultry and shameful area, Stormy’s story is a mere link in a relevant chain of evidence to explain why Trump acts towards Russia in the same way that we would expect Putin to act towards Russia.

    That’s why I think so much time is being spent on the Stormy Daniels story and ought to be.

    • Journeyman

      You’ve created an entire, specious, causal chain of events out of pure conjecture. And given that the information about Trump’s salacious sex-life is now public knowledge, wouldn’t that obviate the need to allow himself to be blackmailed?

      The causal chain you articulated completely rests on the premise that Trump would be so ashamed of his actions that he would place the best interests of the country, as he saw them, in a position subservient to his own desire to avoid shame. What about this man makes you think he feels shame in the same way a “typical” individual would?

      The guy sleeps around. Perhaps he has unsavory fetishes. So what? And for the record, anyone who thinks “adultery” is a real crime, or in some way disqualifies an individual to hold office, is a few things: 1) Naive in the utmost; 2) puritanically prudish; 3) unfamiliar with world history wherein 99.7% of all powerful men, from champions of progressive politics to the basest demagogues, were chronic womanizers and “adulterers.”

      Again, the guy has plenty of faults to dwell upon; sleeping with women who get paid to get railed on camera is not high up on that list for most people, I would contend.

      • Getting a blow job from an intern is one thing (not at all good), but getting peed-on by Russian hookers, probably paid for by Putin who also saved the orange monkey from bankruptcy, puts America in an extremely vulnerable position. Stormy’s story is simply more accessible than the pee story (for the time being) and serves to keep the narrative of trump’s blackmailable behaviour alive.

        And to return to the blow job, why was that enough for the republicans to impeach Clinton, but nothing about the nasty cluster-fuck that is Trump impeachable?

        • Journeyman

          Much like this case, other than politicians on the other side of the aisle licking their chops at a chance to slam their ideological rival, I’m not sure the average person cares one iota about the sexual proclivities of the person in the charge. Why would they. We’re all some sort of deviant, in one way or another. People relate to things like that. Short of some type of sadomasochistic ritual performed with barn animals being sacrificed as part of the foreplay, time may better spent focusing on things other than banging hookers and their ilk.

          • “Short of some type of sadomasochistic ritual performed with barn animals being sacrificed as part of the foreplay.” That’s all I’m asking for Journeyman, give the investigators time. They’ll find what your looking for.

      • “And given that the information about Trump’s salacious sex-life is now public knowledge, wouldn’t that obviate the need to allow himself to be blackmailed?” No.

        Not if there were many more Stormy-strories. Do you really think Stormy was his “first” and only time? Until then Trump was a true blue hubby? That this boiler plate NDA was Cohen first for David Denisson, a one timer? Let’s be real here.

        You assert: “Again, the guy has plenty of faults to dwell upon; sleeping with women who get paid to get railed on camera is not high up on that list for most people, I would contend.” I disagree. I think people expect that their president or any man, who is moral, honest and good, does not and will not sleep with any woman (pornographic fim star or not) – when he is married and his wife just had his son. Good people view such men as pieces of crap and Trump knows that, which is why he contacted Stormy through Cohen and paid her $130,000.00 and why he has not attacked her with a single word. Because the rest of the truth will be much worse.

        And if are many more such relationships and espcially if there is evidence of multiple partners (as the In Touch interview might suggests), there’s another reason for blackmail. Some people will forgive anything he does. But the Eveglical support can only go so far. Repubican women can only take so much. People of good morals of any stripe have a floor below which they will cut him loose. Trump knows this. So, he’d do anything he could to keep the rest of the stories hidden. Especially if these shameful stories are bundled together with his money laundering that he is alleged to have engaged in with Oligarchs starting last century the evidence of which Putin also would have access to.

        • Journeyman

          I’m pretty sure Tiger Woods ran through roughly 100 hookers/loose women and has been arrested for DUI having been on perkoset, pot and alcohol (or some such combination) and he just pulled in the highest TV ratings for a non-major event in the last 5 years. And trust me, if he wins another major, or even starts contending again regularly, major brands will be THROWING themselves at him knowing that the world is going to once again embrace Tiger-Mania.

          Bottom line, I think you’re projecting your own hatred of Trump onto the general populace and making brash assumptions. I’m just trying to point out that there are more important things to focus on, whether that be from the perspective of political forecasting or of applying your prevailing political framework onto the investment landscape (the reason I think most people read this blog) in an attempt to make money in sound, prudent ways.

          • And if Tiger were president impacting and influencing my country, family, friends and literally influencing the course of American and World history I’d care about Tiger.

            For all the good and sound reasons Republicans gave and screamed about as to why Gary Hart should give up his run for office, as to why Bill Clinton should be impeached and convicted, and as to why John Edwards should have been indicted and convicted, the Stormy Daniels case, the facts surrounding it and any other case similar to it that involving Trump must be investigated to assure this nation that its president is not blackmailed or otherwise compromised by foreign powers, anyone else or by his own fears of being compromised. It’s the price a president pays to hold office.

            As to your comment: “I think you’re projecting your own hatred of Trump onto the general populace and making brash assumptions.” I suppose the general populace has made its own brash assumptions without my help. And as H has demonstrated repeatedly, the geopolitical considerations that impact investments include the stability of a given American presidency. I submit to you that any investigator who does not observe, infer and conclude the same as I do, i.e., that further investigation is required ‘merely’ from what is in the public domain (besides what they have secure access to), is an investigator that should try another vocation.

            For those who may conclude otherwise, they are blinded by considerations other than the facts and the use of the mind. For example, in these comments above you wrote, “You’ve created an entire, specious, causal chain of events out of pure conjecture.” But your next sentence was this: “And given that the information about Trump’s salacious sex-life is now public knowledge, wouldn’t that obviate the need to allow himself to be blackmailed?” Your second sentence accepts the Stormy story as fact as do I and not as a “specious, causal chain of events out of pure conjecture.” We agree that it is true. And the fact that it is true, demands that the rest of what we do not know about her case (e.g., perhaps why Trump wants to restrain 60 Minutes) and any other such case be investigated to make sure he’s not being blackmailed.

            Next, you are okay with Trump having a multitude of such relationships, using Tiger Woods as an example who “ran through roughly 100 hookers/loose women” as a would be acceptable frame of reference because if he won another major, “major brands will be THROWING themselves at him knowing that the world is going to once again embrace Tiger-Mania.” So, who can argue with that? Not me.

            You and I simply see the world differently.
            We have different expectations from a president.
            I’ll leave at that.

          • Journeyman: “the reason I think most people read this blog”

            I think I’m in a better position to evaluate that than you are considering I have access to the actual user-level data and, more importantly, the traffic data for each article.

  4. Journeyman

    So @therealheisenberg you take umbrage with my assertion that people read your blog more for information/discourse on market dynamics, even politics, but less for what is essentially click-bait peddling headlines about a porn star? The former is clearly preferable to the latter – even if the latter is true. Not that I mind smut-peddling, I enjoy it as much as the next guy, I suppose. If you fancy yourself as the market-version of “People” magazine I’m sure there is some decent money to be made selling the ads that so copiously coat your blog and bombard the screen at every turn.

    The overarching question was why SO MANY blogs are dedicated to Stormy – not why her story was covered. You either think this story has a disproportionate impact on Trump, or you’re peddling smut a la Barstool Sports (nothing wrong with that) and your main goal is traffic and ad money. Beach-condo upkeep fees are no joke, I get it.

    And no shit you have better information on traffic; you know as well as I do my previous post was a direct response to another commenter and was not, in fact, directed towards you as was my first post.

    But you’ve answered my question with your snide-as-hell response. You post these pieces because your readership overwhelmingly loves the story and it keeps up pageviews to keep the ads selling. Makes sense.

    You love to assert that other people are constantly seeking confirmation bias for their views, so it makes sense that you’re actually doing the same for your readership in your blogs. After all, never trust a man who calls himself “honest,” if he’s honest, he comports himself that way, he doesn’t label himself as an honest man. Similarly, for an example of confirmation bias look to the smut-cum-market blogger who decries confirmation bias, because he’s peddling it for ad revenue.

    • It was you who invited this discourse in your first post. These five points of the first part of your initial post per give rise to why the Stormy story per se deserves so much coverage aside from the blackmail piece:

      You asked “Why are you spending such an inordinate amount of time on the Stormy Daniels story,” and followed it with these five points:

      1. “Wealthy men have affairs with unscrupulous women – how is this news?

      2. “Sure, he’s the President;

      3. “sure, he courted the Christian crowd in the US under false pretenses (other than Romney, who hasn’t?);

      4. “but when have you been led to believe that EVERYONE (not just Americans) isn’t a hypocrite and won’t publicly denounce but privately either applaud or not care about this entire story?”

      5. “I’d go further and state that this story is just humanizing Trump and endearing him to a broader group of people. The exact opposite of the intended consequence of beating this story like a dead horse.”

      That you and millions of others hold these views and millions of others do not, deserves “extreme vetting,” so to speak, in that the subject is the president.

      If you cannot see that, well then,
      You and I simply see the world too differently.
      We have far too different expectations from a president and this nation’s values.
      I’ll leave at that.

    • “I enjoy it as much as the next guy.”

      see, there you go. glad to hear it. thanks for playing.

    • Anonymous

      Because this story proves that our president is vulnerable to being blackmailed which puts our national security at risk. In this case, we have a President that paid hush money to a porn star to prevent a political scandal during an election. Although this may seem fairly benign on its face, it has shown that this president is demonstrably vulnerable to blackmail and is willing to go as far as to possibly violate federal election law to avoid embarrassing stories from leaking.

      “The guy sleeps around. Perhaps he has unsavory fetishes. So what?”

      As you so eloquently stated, he has probably had many more such trysts. The reason this is troubling is that foreign governments may very well have evidence of an embarrassing or inappropriate sexual relationship. If they do, they may attempt to use that as leverage over our president, a man that has demonstrated a willingness to make cash payouts and violate federal law to conceal sexual relationships. That is a huge national security problem. That’s why a normal person with this much personal and financial baggage would never be allowed to get a security clearance.

    • Tom Swift

      Journeyman, There is AdBlockPlus, and multiple VPN vendors to take care of intrusive content.
      WW / H is very sensitive to criticism.
      I’m here for 3 reasons: the deep coverage of the TBTF bank memos, the cliff note versions of Stockmans stuff, I’m 2 hours ahead and have no circadian rhythm.
      decades of sobriety and my body still thinks it’s 1999

  5. Turns out that Mueller and his team are in fact interested in the other 100 Trump women out there who may have received a pay-off according to a grand juror witness and FBI interviewee, who said just that live on MSNBC during the 6pm News hour. Seems as if other genius “arm-chair” lawyers think of these facts in the same way. Should come as no surprise to anyone looking at the information objectively, yet that can be difficult for those with confirmation bias conclusively presumed. And so it goes.

  6. Journeyman, so, how is your wife? You over that frantic panic about that school lock down? I wonder how she feels about your appreciation or envy of tump’s disrespectful dalliances?

Speak On It

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Skip to toolbar