By Evan Hurst as originally published over at Wonkette and reposted here with permission
Fox has always been poison, especially when applied to the brains of our more excitable Republican elders, but there used to be a funny quality to it. Yee-haw, is it time for the War on Christmas yet? No, that doesn’t start until July, sillies!
But after Trump became president, Fox decided to be Trump TV, essentially to act as state-run television. (We’re not clear whether that “state” is Russia or the Trump White House, or if those two things are samesies.) After special counsel Robert Mueller was appointed, Fox went into a tailspin and started engaging in a 24/7 69 with Trump and the dumbest members of the House GOP, feeding conspiracy theories from the House Freedom Caucus into Trump’s brain as he watches each night, and morning, and all afternoons. It’s been going on for months.
By December, the Fox News attacks on the FBI and Mueller had devolved into Trump fuckboy Gregg Jarrett declaring that the FBI had become THE LITERAL KGB, and that somehow Peter Strzok and Lisa Page, two FBI agents who were fucking like little law enforcin’ bunnies, were doing a coup against Trump WITH THEIR SEXTS.
But now it’s worse. Much worse. Josh Marshall over at TPM noticed it too. On Tuesday night, an actual United States senator, Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, told Fox viewers he has an “informant” who says there is a “secret society” in the FBI, apparently led by Peter Strzok and Lisa Page, to TAKE TRUMP OUT:
Sen Ron Johnson claims "informant" who has news about the FBI "Secret Society" working to overthrow President Trump. pic.twitter.com/QzGhXBEUYD
— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) January 24, 2018
LOL THE FUCK YOU SAY? Also, SPOILER: The “informant” is probably Devin Nunes with his little pissant secret memo.
Is there anything more to this “secret society” conspiracy theory than the asinine ramblings of an old GOP fart senator from Wisconsin? Why yes! Marshall sends us to another TPM writer, who explains that, because the FBI seems to have lost some of the Strzok/Page texts because of a “Samsung glitch,” VERY STUPID PEOPLE have decided these missing texts hold the #SmokingGun. (Hey, this reminds us of how the very same stupid people believe Hillary Clinton’s make-believe “missing 33,000 emails” hold the secrets to Benghazi and #Pizzagate and probably also chemtrails and the moon landing HOAX. Fuckers are pretty predictable.)
President Beta Cuck is getting the message:
Marshall also posts a video from the Lou Dobbs Trump Fellatio Hour, where he says this:
Good Lord. Latest from Fox/GOP is claims there's an FBI "Secret Society" working to overthrow President Trump. pic.twitter.com/62Lh62xtjP
— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) January 24, 2018
It may be time to declare war, outright, against the Deep State, and clear out the rot in the upper levels of the FBI and the Justice Department. Yes, I said the rot! The FBI and the DOJ have broken the public trust by destroying evidence, defying oversight, and actively trying to bring down the Trump presidency!
Tonight, there are new concerns that anti-Trump FBI officials formed an anti-Trump “secret society” at the FBI …
THESE ONES, you know, in case anybody wants to doxx some innocent people who happen to be career public servants, in defense of a lying, philandering piece of shit who may have crimed his way into office with the aid of a hostile foreign power:
You know, just in case Fox News’s most unhinged viewers might want to stalk these people, none of whom have been accused of a crime.
Marshall adds, “Remember, Dobbs is very close to President Trump. They apparently talk often.” We’ll go him one better! Lou Dobbs went to the New Years’ Eve Pussgrabbing Ball at Mar-a-Lago!
We haven’t even gotten into the molten dogshit that came out of Sean Hannity’s mouth Tuesday night, but we can summarize it:
HILLARY AND PETER STRZOK AND LISA PAGE AND ANDREW MCCABE RIGGED BERNIE! THEN THEY RIGGED TRUMP! JAMES COMEY! BUT HER URANIUM EMAILS! LOCK HER UP! OBAMA NOBAMA NOBUMMER NO NEVER! BIGGER THAN WATERGATE! SHREDDING THE CONSTITUTION! MURDERING AMERICA!
And so on. We didn’t include the video because we just don’t like it when Sean Hannity explodes into a cloud of jizz and stinky goat diarrhea on the august pages of Wonkette. Just trust that Hannity is as stupid and crazy as ever, and he’s beaming his message into the homes of the most stable geniuses in America each and every night, most notably this one stable TV-obsessed genius who inexplicably and unacceptably lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
What’s next, Fox? You gonna start “reporting” that Strzok and Page and the rest of the mythological “Deep State” are LITERALLY TRYING TO MURDER TRUMP? Are we far off from that? Will Rupert Murdoch get a thrill in his saggy Australian balls if Fox News manages to get them killed?
Another question: Are Lachlan and James Murdoch cool with this? We get that their dad is a power-mad fuckstain on the foul rectum of humanity, but old age is gonna take him before long. Is this where the Murdoch boys really want to take their “news” empire?
We are just curious, because this shit is dangerous.
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