Trump The Patriot Remembers At Least Nine Words Of National Anthem During College Football Championship

By Evan Hurst as originally published over at Wonkette and reposted here with permission 

Donald Trump got to go to the FOOOOOBAWWWWWWWW game Monday night! It was the college football championship game and it was a big deal down here in the South, because it was the Georgia Bulldogs and the Alabama Crimson Tide, and Alabama won, ROLL TIDE ROLL! (Actually, to be honest, yr Wonkette lives in Memphis and we do not give two squirrelly fucks about either of these teams, we are just still saying ROLL TIDE ROLL because of what Alabama did in its recent election between an accused pedophile and a regular human person.)

By all accounts, the game was just really good FOOOOOBAWWWWWWWW, and we are sorry we missed it.

We did not miss Donald Trump standing for the national anthem at the game, though, like a true American patriot. You see, as Trump has informed us, you are supposed to stand with your hand on your heart during the national anthem, and if you don’t do that, you are obviously a black person. Wait, that’s not it. Regardless, the president knows black football players who don’t stand for the anthem are a “son of a bitch” who should be YOU’RE FIRED from football, even though they are not actually protesting the anthem itself, but trying to draw attention to police brutality and racial inequality, oh fuck it, if you are reading Wonkette, you already know why they’re protesting.

The point is the president of the United States is a white supremacist.

But he’s a STANDING WHITE SUPREMACIST, OK? You see his picture up there! Look, here it is again, as tweeted by Donald Trump Jr., who is just crying salty tears out of his misshapen face begging for a retweet from Daddy, one that will probably never ever come:

Know what else Junior probably doesn’t get from Daddy, besides retweets? Hugs 🙁

The weird thing about Trump standing for the national anthem is that he appeared (?) to be trying (?) to sing along (?) with the anthem, but SOME ARE SAYING it looks like he doesn’t know the words. We may have an unpopular opinion on this, but to our eyes, he just didn’t sing along to every word. MAYBE the parts where he wasn’t singing, he was forgetting the words entirely? Or MAYBE he was zoning out and thinking about pussy? Or – and this is Wonkette being charitable because we don’t want to just RawStory the president when he does a thousand legitimate things a day worthy of scorn and derision – it’s possible he was just doing that thing lots of people do, where they half-assedly mouth along with like nine words of the anthem, because come on, it is time for the football game.

Then again, if Trump actually cared about the national anthem and wasn’t just using black players’ anthem protests to rile up his white supremacist supporters, HE WOULD SING ALONG TO EVERY WORD WITH TEARS STREAMING DOWN HIS FACE AND MESSING UP HIS ORANGE MAKE-UP.

We’re going to file this one under “unclear” and say, WE REPORT, YOU DECIDE:

Whatever happened there, it was not at all like that time Trump was at Arlington National Cemetery and did a weird swaying back and forth thing while he BIGLY MOUTHED twenty percent of the words of the anthem. Or maybe it IS the same and he just didn’t dance this time?

Regardless of what happened at the championship game, we can all agree with Alabama running back Bo Scarbrough, who shared his thoughts about the president as the team was walking from the locker room. His thoughts are, “FUCK TRUMP!”

Alabama RB Bo Scarbrough yells “F— Trump” before tonight’s title game. pic.twitter.com/RhuhRyNFHh

— The Sporting News (@sportingnews) January 9, 2018

Ahhhhh, America! You are still alive and well.

Wonkette is fully funded by lovely and talented readers like you! Click here to tip them!

*****************************