Listen, the Kremlin didn’t interfere with the 2016 election, ok?
And the reason we know that is because all of the people who are accused of being involved in that interference say they are innocent. And everyone knows that the best way to get to the truth about accusations of impropriety is to ask the accused. That’s why when someone stands accused of murder, we just ask the accused if they are in fact a murderer. If they say they didn’t murder anyone, well then there’s nothing left to talk about.
That’s a system of justice that works really well. It’s how I get free ice cream. What I do is I hang out behind the local Baskin-Robbins at closing time and then once everyone is gone, I break in and take all the vanilla I can fit into the bed of my pickup truck. Sure, I’ve been picked up on surveillance video boosting all the vanilla about three dozen times, but when I’m brought in for questioning I always just tell the police it’s not me. They always let me go based on my steadfast refusal to admit that I’m a vanilla thief. Baskin-Robbins of course thinks this system of justice makes no sense, but so much the worse for them. All I know is that I’ve got a freezer full of free vanilla ice cream – which I didn’t steal. Or at least I didn’t steal it if anyone is asking.
So because that’s how all good justice systems operate, it makes sense that when it comes to figuring out whether Russia meddled in the election, the only people worth asking are Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin.
“He said he didn’t meddle. He said he didn’t meddle. I asked him again. You can only ask so many times,” the President told reporters aboard Air Force One on the way from Da Nang to Hanoi.
Trump spoke to Putin on at least three occasions on the sidelines of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation in Vietnam this week.
Trump continued as follows:
Every time he sees me, he says, ‘I didn’t do that. And I believe, I really believe, that when he tells me that, he means it.
Again, this makes all kinds of sense. The number of times you can ask someone something is inherently finite, so at a certain point they must be telling the truth because by Trump’s logic, once you bump up against the limit in terms of how many times you can ask someone the same question, that person will be compelled to tell the truth once that limit is hit. Otherwise they would be a liar. So now that Trump has hit the upper limit on the number of times he’s willing to ask Putin whether he “meddled” with Putin still insisting that he didn’t, it has now been proven that there was no interference.
Asked about the fact that the entire U.S. intelligence apparatus disagrees with his contention that there was no interference, Trump said the following:
I mean, give me a break, they are political hacks. So you look at it, I mean, you have Brennan, you have Clapper and you have Comey. Comey is proven now to be a liar and he is proven now to be a leaker. So you look at that and you have President Putin very strongly, vehemently says he had nothing to do with them.
Yeah. “You have Brennan” and “you have Clapper” and “you have Comey” and then “you have Putin.” So what “you have”, is a bunch of US intelligence officials on one hand, and what “you have” on the other hand is a literal KGB agent.
“You have” a juxtaposition that is so laughable when it comes to who Americans should believe that “you” would “have” to be a “fucking moron” to trust the KGB agent.
And Trump wasn’t finished. Despite admitting that pretty much everyone believes there was collusion, what “you have” with Trump is a lot of cognitive dissonance and what “you get” when “you have” that, are statements like this one, from the same series of comments delivered aboard Air Force One:
There was no collusion. Everybody knows there was no collusion.
Yes, “everyone knows there was no collusion.” Everyone but Brennan. And Clapper. And Comey. And all of the people involved in the multiple investigations into that same collusion. And also the millions of Americans who think there was indeed collusion.
Also on Saturday, “you have” a statement from the CIA, who said this in response to Trump’s comments:
[Our] assessment with regard to Russian election meddling has not changed.
So ultimately, what “you have” here, is a President who insists that allegations of Russian meddling are false and “you have” the President of Russia saying the same thing.
In short: “you have” a complete farce.
I hate when ventriloquists dress like their dummies pic.twitter.com/Qm4H23QYfp
— Frank Lesser (@sadmonsters) November 10, 2017