************
Via The New Yorker
Are you the real Donald Trump?
No! I am his son. Is this not obvious?
What about @realdonaldtrump?
Again, no. That is my dad’s online persona, which is a more attentive father than his real-life persona.
Why isn’t your Twitter handle @fakedonaldtrump?
It was taken.
I still don’t get it. Are you just a slightly smaller version of Donald Trump?
No. I am his son. And some parts of me are bigger. 😉 (My hands.)
Why did you choose to be called Donald Trump, Jr., and not 2 Donald 2 Furious?
I did not get to choose my name, but if I had I would have picked something cool, like Vladimir Trotsky, or Mikhail Smirnov, or Brad.
Did you collude with Russia during the Presidential campaign?
Yep!
Who is Tiffany?
Who?
Can you please confirm or deny whether you colluded with Russia?
Again, yes. Please scroll up two questions to confirm.
What’s the worst thing about Hillary?
Her e-mails!
What’s the best thing about you?
My e-mails. 🙂
What is the most important e-mail you’ve ever received?
I once got an e-mail that said if I didn’t forward it to twelve of my best friends I would lose my crush forever. Thankfully, I forwarded it immediately, and Ivanka still lives with us.
Ркогда РоÑÑиÑ, Родина-мать, захватит СШÐ?
Когда у нее желание–любое времÑ. ГоÑподин Владимир Путин Ñамый краÑивый человек в мире.
What’s your favorite hobby?
Skiing! I mean, colluding.
What makes you feel most American?
Throwing the ol’ pigskin around with Paul and Jared, since Daddy is so busy all the time. And colluding.
Favorite city in the U.S.?
Moscow.
How do I subscribe to your newsletter?
E-mail: [email protected]
How do I unsubscribe?
You can’t!
Is Daddy proud of you?
I haven’t seen him recently, but Ivanka pinky-swore that he was.
Hey, this is Tiffany. I accidentally locked myself in the ninth-floor bathroom and have been stuck here for a few months now. Can you let me out?
What is Tiffany?
How should we get in touch with you?
E-mail Putin, he’s logged in on my phone.
Poor Tiffany 🙁