Sessions Satire: Neurologists Baffled By AG With Alzheimer’s

Over the past couple of days, we’ve had a lot of fun at the expense of Attorney General and Rumpelstiltskin’s clean-shaven brother, Jeff Sessions.

Jeff has found himself in the middle of the Trump-Russia probe after perjuring himself earlier this year and on Tuesday, he perjured himself some more in an apparent effort to “go big or go home.”

Undoubtedly, Sessions (who would never call “a black” a “boy”) will end up stepping down because, well, because just look at what he’s managed to “accomplish” in four months:

Yes, it is indeed “hard to see how he can continue to serve,” and as The New Yorker’s brilliant satirist Andy Borowitz jokes on Thursday, Sessions’ Tuesday testimony has medial experts baffled…

Via The New Yorker

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—An Alabama man whose brain was ravaged by severe amnesia is somehow able to function in an extremely demanding legal job, leading neurologists reported on Tuesday.

The man, whom neurologists are calling a “medical mystery,” has performed highly exacting tasks in one of the country’s top legal positions despite having virtually no short- or long-term memory.

Dr. Davis Logsdon, the chairman of the neurology department at the University of Minnesota Medical School, said that the Alabaman’s brain “defies explanation.”

“In all the medical literature, we have never seen an example of someone capable of holding down such a high-powered job while having no memory whatsoever of people he met, things he said, places he has been, or thoughts he has had,” Logsdon said. “It’s the stuff of science fiction.”

Logsdon said that his team of neurologists was studying video of the man in the hopes of understanding the paradoxical functioning of his brain, but Logsdon acknowledged that such a task was challenging. “After listening to him talk for hours, your own brain starts to hurt,” he said.

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