Welcome to another edition of “Republicans doing dumb shit in the name of an imaginary sky Zeus who spoke to them through a magic book.”
Regular readers are well aware of how we feel about Conservatives citing “God’s will” when trying to dictate things like who can marry who and what women can and can’t do with their own bodies, etc. Simply put: we despise that kind of baseless bullshit and don’t think it has any place in modernity.
If you need a refresher, here’s a fun excerpt from a satirical “letter to the editor” we posted a couple of weeks ago:
So here’s how I, as a good conservative and a Trump supporter, am thinking about things on Friday evening.
First of all, gay people shouldn’t get married. And women shouldn’t have abortions. The reason I can say that with absolute confidence is because I have a magic book (the Bible) through which I am able to know the will of the Almighty (who incidentally looks a lot like Zeus and basically is Zeus, only Zeus was a figment of the ancients’ collective imagination whereas my Zeus is definitely real).
Although I haven’t actually read my magic book, I pretend like I have (especially on Sundays) and by virtue of
nothaving read it, I know that it says a lot about gays. And abortion. Those things are bad. It’s in my magic book somewhere. If I ever read it, I’m sure I’ll find the relevant passages.There’s a wizard in the second part of my magic book. He was born to a virgin. His dad was Zeus. The wizard did some amazing things — one time he walked on water for instance. The wizard was a big believer in kindness and compassion but because there are definitely no inconsistencies in my book, the wizard must have secretly hated gays. And abortions.
Well, Republican Mike Moon – who the Missouri Times notes “has long been perhaps the most vocal and far-right abortion opponent in the Missouri General Assembly since he assumed office in 2013” – decided that the best way to express his disdain for abortion would be to post a video to Facebook of himself cutting the head off a live chicken.
Thinking maybe he didn’t get his point across, he then rips out its heart and says “let’s get to the heart of the matter.”
No, really. Have a look:
As The Hill writes, “the video drew immediate criticism on social media, with some alleging that Moon was attempting to compare abortion to slaughtering a chicken.”
Yes, “some alleged” he was comparing abortion to murdering a chicken. I’m not sure if “alleged” is the right word there. I’m not seeing where the ambiguity is.
For his part, Mike is surprised, noting on his @realmikemoon Twitter feed (he needed the “real” prefix because clearly there are a lot of people who would want to try and impersonate Mike), that “some people seem to be freaking out about the chicken video.”
What can we say other than: “Conservatives.”
*******
Cue Temple Of Doom clip…
Yep, the baby jesus is crying tonight as right wing religious hypocrites sh*t all over his good name, and he is going to tell daddy all about it. Then you will see some serious biblical sh*t hit the fan.