Alex Jones Apologizes For Saying Chobani Yogurt And George Soros Conspired To Destroy Idaho

Having already lampooned the alt-Right’s unwitting ideological godfather on Friday, it seems only fitting that I should move right on down the line to expose (for the umpteenth time in two months) the alt-Right blogosphere’s bullshitter par excellence Alex Jones.

As you may or may not be aware, Alex Jones’ InfoWars is alt-Right propaganda taken to its logical extreme. And when I say “extreme” this is what I mean:

 

Yes … Alex, like some of your other favorite alt-Right propagandists, “likes to fight.”

Only not really.

Because when he got the chance to “fight” his ex-wife Kelly for custody of their children earlier this year, he gave up pretty quickly and admitted, via his lawyers, that the Alex you see in the clip above isn’t real. He’s just “a character” and Jones is just “a performance artist.”

As it turns out, Alex isn’t unique among alt-Right “anti-heroes” in that regard. Most of them are playing “characters” for their fans, but if you meet them in real life, they’re completely different people. Certainly not the chest-beating, shirtless crusaders they pretend to be for their legions of misguided fans. Indeed, it turns out the same thing goes for Taleb protégé Steve Bannon.

Of course the problem is this: the fans don’t realize their “heroes” are fakes. Which in turn means they don’t understand that the message is bullshit. That’s why Edgar Maddison Welch ended up facing 18 to 60 months in prison for assault with a dangerous weapon and 18 to 24 months for interstate transportation of a firearm after he took it upon himself to “investigate” the absurd #Pizzagate story pushed by the likes of Alex Jones.

Jones, and more than a few other alt-Right netizens, promoted the Pizzagate myth (which you’ll recall involved the hilarious contention that Democrats were running a satanic child porn ring out of the basement of a D.C. pizza shop that in reality doesn’t even have a basement).

But do you know what Alex did when the owner of Comet Ping Pong pushed back? Well here’s what Alex did:

 

So much for that.

Recently, Jones has found himself in a similar predicament after suggesting that Chobani yogurt is involved in a George Soros-assisted conspiracy to spread crime, tuberculosis and rape in Twin Falls County, Idaho. And yes, that is just as fucking crazy as it sounds.

You can read that whole story here, but suffice to say Chobani wasn’t having it. So they sued Jones and InfoWars for defamation.

Jones, getting back into “character” after a couple of rough days in child custody court, vowed to fight the evil Chobani cabal. Here is his long-winded rant (and do note the “reliable” sources he cites at the tail end):

 

So either he couldn’t convince his viewers to fund his defense or else he just pussied out (probably a combination of the two), but guess what the result of this was? Here’s TIME:

Right-wing radio host and conspiracy theorist Alex Jones says he has settled a lawsuit filed by Greek yogurt giant Chobani, reversing course from previous claims that he would never back down in the defamation case.

Jones read a brief statement at the end of his radio show Wednesday saying he had retracted previous stories and tweets about Chobani.

Chobani had argued in its lawsuit that Jones and his InfoWars website posted fabricated stories earlier this month that linked Chobani owner Hamdi Ulukaya and the company to a sexual assault case involving refugee children. The company filed the lawsuit in Idaho District Court in Twin Falls, where it operates the largest yogurt plant in the world.

Jones added that he regretted mischaracterizing Chobani, its employees and the people of Twin Falls.

 

Mmmm hmmm. That’s what I thought.

So file that away as the latest bit of evidence to support the contention that what you’re consuming when you read and/or watch alt-Right chest-beating bloggers bloviate is simply a big ol’ plate of force-fed propaganda cooked up and served pipin’ hot by folks who will tell you they’re ready to “fight,” but who when it comes right down to it, would rather sit back in their mansions and get rich off your clicks.

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