“Higher Rates Are Coming To Town”

Oh dear lord. This is what passes for humor on the sellside (from Wells Fargo’s Nathaniel Rosenbaum):

Higher Rates Are Coming to Town

Bonds better watch out

PMs better not cry spreads won’t be taut

I’m telling you why

higher rates are coming to town

Yellen’s shaking her head

And raising rates thrice;

hedging oil this year ain’t gonna suffice

higher rates are coming to town

She sees which traders bleeding

a basis point they can’t make

They say Sales is always sleeping

Only good for food intake!

Retail sellers want out!

Taiwan better not fly

any buyer won’t flout

an offering too high

higher rates are coming to town

He loves you when you’re retweeting

His latest yuuge headfake

He knows who she’s emailing

So be great for Donald’s sake!

Mexico better watch out!

China better not cry

Dems better not pout

I’m telling you why Donald Trump is coming to town

Can you imagine working in the same office with someone who would write that and send it to clients? Me neither.

And they didn’t stop with one. This next one’s from Mike Schumacher:

Up at the White House
Up at the White House bond bulls slump,
‘Cause out jumps good old Mr. Trump
Says weak growth surely can’t make us great
So spending plans he’ll administrate
Ho, ho ho! Will inflation go? Ho, ho ho! Who will say no?
Up at the White House, tweeting away
Keeping long duration trades at bay
First comes the tax cut to give us dough
Off a-shopping we will go
Defense budget needs to rise now too,
Oh, what is a fiscal hawk to do?
Ho, ho ho! Will inflation go? Ho, ho ho! Who will say no?
Up at the White House, tweeting away
Keeping long duration trades at bay
Dear old Donald, he’s hardly a Scrooge,
Infrastructure spending will be yooge
The reflation trade could reign supreme
TIPS mavens think they’re living the dream.
Ho, ho ho! Will inflation go? Ho, ho ho! Who will say no?
Up at the White House, there’s lots to say
Bond buyers may yearn for a dull day.

I was going to post their e-mails here so you could let them know what you think, but I figured that might end up getting me in trouble and I don’t need any more trouble right now.