Step Right Up, Folks, And Short These Bonds!

What could go wrong?

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If Consensus Conference Wanted To Prove How Dope Crypto Is, They Might Have Gone With 2 Chainz Over Snoop For ‘Secret’ Afterparty

“Lookin like a big ole Bitcoin.”

Divorcing Bill Gross Will Turn You Into A World-Class Art Forger And Master Thief

Oh, you want details of how Sue Gross pulled off a dope-ass, shady-ass art heist on her ex-husband?

Are You An Institutional Investor Who’s Worried That Someone Will Chop Off Your Hand And Use It To Access The Bitcoin Keys You’re Storing In The Side Of A Mountain? Pete Najarian Can Help!

“…said Clark, who noted the vault’s fingerprint scanners were equipped with a pulse reader to prevent amputated hands from being used.”

Silicon Valley Venture Capitalist Spends 10 Minutes On Live Television Reinforcing Every Negative Stereotype About Silicon Valley Venture Capitalists

CNBC needs to have Tim Draper on every day.

$100 Oil? Bank Of America Is Proud To Be First To The Party When It Comes To Suggesting Triple-Digit Crude May Be Coming

Someone had to do it.

Hedge Funds Didn’t Lose That Bet To Warren Buffett Because Passive Indices Will Always Beat Active Managers Over The Long Term But Because They Just Picked The Wrong Decade To Bet On

That’s the real reason Buffett’s declining a sequel and not because actuarial science says he’ll be dead by the time it ends.

RBC’s Joseph Spak Writes Letter To Elon Musk That’s Just As ‘Boring’ And ‘Boneheaded’ As The Questions He Tried To Ask On The Tesla Call

Think of it like a reverse Dear Abby, where “Abby” is called “Elon” and via a collection of companies, “she” makes semi-autonomous (and seemingly combustible) electric cars, literal rocket ships, mass market flamethrowers and in the not-so-distant future, candy.

Fired DE Shaw MD Shocked That Anyone Was Offended By His Mel Gibson Impression What With All The Orgies Raging In The Office

Daniel Michalow admits to being an asshole, but he also wants David Shaw to know that erryone at DE Shaw be f@ckin.

Jamie Dimon Understands That His Future President Self May Have To Deal With A Recession And/Or Higher Yields

“Someone asked me once, what’s the odds of a recession? I said it’s 100 percent. But the question is when.”

BofA Analyst Who Predicted Demise Of Armchair Vol. Sellers Has A ‘Notoriously Good’ Leading Indicator He Needs You To Look At

You’ll either listen to Michael Hartnett, or you’ll end up like Seth.

There May Be Someone At The White House With More Contempt For A Colleague Than John Kelly Has For His Boss

If Betsy hates grizzly bears, she probably hates “mad dogs” even more.

Elon Musk, Damage Control Expert, Explains Why ‘Boneheads’ Are ‘Absurd’ Then Threatens To Incinerate Shorts With Flamethrower

Elon got dat fire y’all – literally.

JPMorgan Poaches Carnegie Mellon’s Top AI Professor In Clearest Sign Yet That Jamie Dimon Will Transfer His Brain To The Cloud And Become Immortal

Now we know what Jay-Dimez and Travis Kalanick were talking about in that photo.

‘M-A-R-S’! A Disillusioned Wall Street Picks Up The Pieces After Elon Musk’s ‘Downright Bizarre’, Extraterrestrial Conference Call

“Why you doin’ this man? I thought you was my brother, why you askin’ me questions like that?”