Zuckerberg’s Layoff Letter Walked Out Of The Onion

For the third time in as many months, I'm compelled to report that Mark Zuckerberg is laying off thousands of workers at Meta. I readily (and frequently) acknowledge the imperative for mainstream news outlets of competing for "scoops" and reporting potentially meaningful news as soon as it's possible to report it -- that's part of what journalists do, after all. That said, when you're me (so, definitely not a journalist, or at least definitely not one by training), journalistic front-running c

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14 thoughts on “Zuckerberg’s Layoff Letter Walked Out Of The Onion

  1. Mark must have already replaced the person writing his layoff memos with ChatGPT. Lucky for him GPT-4 is rolling out today, so maybe it’ll do a better job next time Meta has layoffs. They might even be able to create a virtual version of the Bobs in the metaverse to deliver the news in a more personable way.

  2. Garbage collection is a term used in computer science. You free up memory by unassigning no longer needed variables or the like. Garbage collect sounds like slang off that. That language was chosen neither to leave dignity to the affected nor to promote clarity. It does promote the hypothesis he is a robot though.

    1. Yeah, as noted, I’m sure that’s a real term. It’s just highly unfortunate that he didn’t understand why you wouldn’t necessarily want to use it in this context even if you’re speaking to people who all know what it means.

      1. That Zuck is unaware of the callous irony (while making an “inside nerd” joke) of calling people garbage who have passed grueling interviews and employee loyalty tests… yes this is the PaperClipOptimizer investors have been looking for (and Cheryl’s exit makes so much sense, she probably wishes she’d left even earlier!)

        1. Replying to myself, Zuck’s referring to “garbage collect… processes” and by that he means meetings or rituals… but it is ambiguous and could also mean projects or people… Yeah…

  3. sorry, H., … I did not start laughing until the 2nd paragraph post Zuck’s statement…I was too stunned during the original reading… so glad / relieved Mark’s on the mission to find the critical answer…I / we can rest easier as a result…

    1. No. Not in jest. In an October article, I casually noted that I’d just purchased some Meta on the assumption that it couldn’t possibly go much lower, or at least not in the near-term. Many readers recall that. Suffice to say I was correct.

      I do not, and have never claimed to, base my investment decisions on my world view or on my political leanings. My investment decisions are based on making money. For example: We have to get rid of oil and fossil fuels. I’m a firm believer in that. But, I loaded up on American oil and gas in early 2020 and I haven’t sold since.

  4. In the past they offered enormous relocation packages to work for them. Part of the reason I find it to be so hard to relocate for a good job is something like this where you could uproot your family and then lose your job and suddenly be in a totally unexpected potentially terrible situation.

  5. A. Further proof that information technology workers really need to unionize.

    B. I think the biggest irony from this note is how he’s basically acknowledging that Meta is not the best way to form connections with people.

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