Trump Returns From Asia, Promises ‘Fruits’, Says CNN Is ‘Bad, Fake, Loser’

Donald Trump is done with Asia. He's so over it.

Donald Trump is done with Asia. He’s so over it.

He came, he saw, he subjected an entire region to nearly two weeks of abject buffoonery, and now he’s all set to get back to “business” stateside, where “business” means deep-sixing his entire agenda and undercutting everything the GOP has been working on in his absence.

Like any good President who has just returned from a grueling overseas jaunt, his top agenda item was to make a fool of himself on Twitter at 5:30 in the morning.


Presumably suffering from an acute case of jet lag, a delirious Trump promised his trip would produce “fruits” for “years to come” while simultaneously assuring America that according to his own assessment, the country “is respected again” in Asia:


About 10 minutes later, he vowed that Fox & Friends (or, as it’s known to most of America, state-sponsored propaganda), would be airing a full highlight reel of his adventures in the Far East before moving quickly to bemoan the fact that he was “forced” to watch CNN while in the Philippines, an experience he says only served to confirm his long-standing suspicion that it is “bad”, “FAKE”, and “Loser”:


Thankfully, Trump won’t be “forced” to watch CNN or any other TV for that matter now that he’s back home because as he explained to reporters aboard Air Force One last week, “when I’m in Washington or New York, I do not watch much television, primarily because of documents.” In case that wasn’t crystal, he clarified as follows: “I’m reading documents.”

Yes, he reads a lot of “documents.” And as he went on to explain in the same conversation, people who say otherwise “don’t know me” and those are “people with fake sources. You know, fake reporters.”

Nothing further.


5 comments on “Trump Returns From Asia, Promises ‘Fruits’, Says CNN Is ‘Bad, Fake, Loser’

  1. So this Fucking Moron goes off to Asia for a week and comes back to tell us all how he has saved us from all the prior administration’s failures. He is clueless as to how asinine the entire world knows he is! I am so disgusted that his buddy GOP’ers sit and watch him embarrass the United States. Watching him stand at podiums in other countries and criticize any former President of America is the most disgraceful behavior of all. His road trip was a complete failure and horrifying to see him kissing ass in the Philippines.

    To quote him – somebody please “DO SOMETHING!”

    • I would never call him Old and Orange… anyways, I was wondering what this major news announcement would be and why does everything with him have to be have a dramatic delay, i.e. announcing Powell when it was leaked days before? Did he broker a deal with Kim Jong Un for a bunch of non-nuclear weapons to bolster U.S. defense contractors bottom lines in exchange for an agreement to delay further development of nuclear misses? Meanwhile, the most important legislation to the administration is struggling to pass before the end of the year, markets convulsing, and he is 1000s of miles away on a photo op (which may actually have been a good thing now that I think about it). But seriously, billions upon billions for the latest warplanes and warships is gonna protect us from rogue hackers with a couple hundred dollar laptop bought on sale during Black Friday? You should post how antiquated some of the government and military’s IT infrastructure still is in this day of Yahoo, Equifax, OPM data breaches. Windows XP anyone? And I agree with the Obama obsession. Why not show how great you are by actually doing something substantial in DC instead of punctuating every sentence by belittling the former Pres to make yourself look better by comparison? And I’m no Obama fan, ex: Let’s punish this evil oil company, BP, and their rich executives by forcing them to stop their dividend, after the stock already tanked on the oil spill. Because god only know only rich evil oil executives had that stock in their retirement accounts.

      • His big announcement was ridiculous – to tell us how once again he reports U.S. has recovered the respect of the world…because he is too stupid to understand that the pomp and circumstance from the places he visited were them playing him, truly in this case the opposite of respecting him. What a total dumbass.

        OH! I just read he is lifting the ban on elephant trophies! So his little boys and go and kill more elephants and this time Jr. can bring home tusks and not just an elephant’s tail.

        The most shameful man to ever live in America’s White House.

  2. Look… $300 Billion of MOUs… Memorandum of Understandings… mostly with China… Oil pipelines for Texas, liquefied natural gas deals for West Virginia… Livestock, beef, etc, deals for Montana, Iowa, etc… more energy deals for Alaska… this is pretty big… Not quite with the USA on the NEW SILK ROAD… but we are getting there….. Trump is a great guy, stop complaining…. you may get a job!

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