Trump Plots Venezuela Invasion, Trade War With China To Be Announced Monday

It’s Saturday morning and although there are as yet no presidential tweets about how the White House is all “locked and loaded” and ready to fire off some fuckin’ nukes, there’s no shortage of Trump news.

As you probably heard last night, Trump thinks maybe we might have to invade Venezuela, a country he imagines is America’s “neighbor”:

Ok, so obviously, that is all kinds of ridiculous for all kinds of reasons, but Trump is super proud of it.

So proud of it, in fact, that he memorialized the moment he called for a Venezuelan takeover by making it his Twitter banner pic:


Also, I think it’s important that you note the look on Nikki Haley’s face the moment Trump officially adds “possible takeover of Venezuela” to his to-do list. Have a look:


You could caption that as follows: “oh my God, we’re all gonna die, we’re all really gonna die.”

Well that was hardly the end of it. Apparently, Trump is going to start a trade war with China unless they let him blow up Pyongyang. This is from a Politico piece that hit overnight:

President Donald Trump is ready to launch a new trade crackdown on China next week, an administration official confirmed.

Trump on Monday will call for an investigation into China over allegations that the nation violated U.S. intellectual property rights and forced technology transfers, the official said. While it’s unclear how much detail Trump will get into in the announcement, administration officials expect U.S. Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer to open an investigation against China under Section 301 of the Trade Act of 1974.

The pending announcement comes amid heightened tension between the United States and China, even after the Trump administration scored a victory in persuading Beijing to sign onto new United Nations sanctions on North Korea.

It is not clear whether China has the motivation to close off the spigot entirely with North Korea. China is North Korea’s main trading partner, and it is not interested in seeing the economic collapse of the regime, which could send a flood of refugees into China and destabilize its northern provinces.

The ordering of the investigation will not immediately impose sanctions but could lead to steep tariffs on Chinese goods. Trump has expressed frustration in recent months over what he sees as China’s unfair trade policies.

The closely watched announcement appears to have bipartisan support, although Democrats have accused Trump of not being tough enough on trade.

Trump suggested in comments to reporters on Thursday that he might be more lenient on China if officials take more aggressive action to stop North Korea from developing a nuclear weapon that could strike the United States. But it appears his longstanding frustration with China has remained.

So basically, Trump is going to hold world trade hostage until Beijing agrees to let him blow up North Korea.

And there was more – so much more. Here are the bullet point headlines from Bloomberg about Trump that have hit in the last 12 hours alone:


For one thing, it makes no sense for Trump to tell Guam that he is “1,000% behind them.” Guam is part of the United States. That’s like Trump going to Salt Lake City and saying “the United States is 1,000% behind Utah.”

I’m sure that’s not lost on Eddie Calvo. Also not lost on Calvo is that it is (mostly) Trump’s fault that Guam is about to become a mushroom cloud in the first place. You’ll recall that the direct threat to Guam came hours after Trump’s “fire and furry” moment.

So there’s that. But then you have to appreciate how absolutely ridiculous it is that sprinkled in amongst the invasions and nuclear wars is a lawsuit centered around whether Trump should be legally allowed to block Twitter users he doesn’t like.

He’s at war with North Korea, Venezuela, and Twitter critics.

Of course he doesn’t mind responding to people who praise him on Twitter – even if those “people” turn out to be robots named “Nicole” with fake profile pictures cropped from T-shirt models.

Apparently he did talk to Xi. Here’s the readout:

Of course if the Politico story excerpted above turns out to be true, well then that call is meaningless.

Ultimately, it’s important that you take stock of what Trump has managed to do militarily in the first 8 months of his presidency. Here’s a handy reminder:

This is a goddamn horror story.

And with that, we’ll give the last word to a man who knows a thing or two about horror stories…




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4 thoughts on “Trump Plots Venezuela Invasion, Trade War With China To Be Announced Monday

  1. So uncle fucking sam is going to over throw another democratically elected government to install a vicious regime so as to steal it’s oil. Military machines need oil and that is what this is all about in the era of peak oil.

  2. Yesterday’s favorite: “Well you know my critics are only saying that because it’s me. If somebody else uttered the exact same words that I uttered, they’d say ‘what a great statement, what a wonderful statement,'” Mr. Trump said on Friday. “They’re only doing it but I will tell you, we have tens of millions of people in this country that are so happy with what I’m saying because they’re saying finally we have a president that’s sticking up for our nation and frankly sticking up for friends and our allies.”

    Get that? “we have tens of millions of people in this country that are so happy with what I’m saying.”
    How about the other 300,000,000 – who wish to god or whatever they hope or wish to – that he’s lose his voice? Or, the other 7.442 billion people on earth of feel the same about his dangerous yap?

    Obviously, he’s so scared out of his wits about what Mueller’s posse has been doing of late that he can’t stop talking and he’s decided to “Wag the World” until they drag him away in handcuffs.

    If Trump’s tens of millions of people in this country are so very happy and delighted with what he’s been saying, I suggest they pack up, saddle up, get on a plane and fly to South Korea and Guam and exchange places with the poor bastards now smack dab in the nuclear weapons jackpot thanks to the Mouth-in-Chief.

  3. Let’s not over think Trump’s actions. All this is about distraction. Distraction from the real news of him being investigated for collusion, and potential Treason. Any significant amount of thought – at all – would be more than Trump has spent on the standard Republican strategist advice on how to avoid investigation and prosecution while in office. Trump understands that there’s nothing like the howl of a nearby wolf to cause the sheep to crowd together behind the shepherd. Trump has been herding sheep in to his hotels, casinos and a host of other cons for decades – so its a psychology that he knows how to manipulate with some success.

    Surely, anyone who took high school history knows that the first rule of all unpopular Republican Presidents, perhaps all Presidents – has been when they bottom in the popularity polls, impeachment seems inevitable, and or you’re being investigated for collusion with and enemy state like Russia and there is a very high probability that you might be tried and executed for Treason – the only thing that will save your sorry ass is picking a fight and having a war. Of course ‘closer is cheaper’ is better – than say half way around the world in N. Korea. Also, it’s always good to have a backup war planned (like Ven.) – just in case Kim Jong Un is smart enough to profit from what he has gained from his scary nuclear weapons development program extortion strategy – and quietly disappear.

    I would suggest those evil tyrants in the Bahamas prepare for a Trump invasion force. What you didn’t know the Bahama’s was run by group of evil villain type American threatening tyrants? Look for an expose on FOX And Friends on the evils and the dangers that the Bahamas pose to the US Fatherland any day now. (Cuba’s out because we might accidentally bomb Gitmo.). The Bahamas is perfect (don’t tell Trump the Bahamas is actually country of over 700 islands) since they are even a helluva lot closer Mar-a-Lago than Venezuela. The intellectual fly weight Trump – is just the man to exploit this tried, proven and disgusting Machiavellian Hail Mary, “doomed President” political strategy that could unfortunately end up costing 1000s or even millions (N. Korea) lives.

  4. He has now created such a huge emotion of HATE rolling across America….are you watching CNN this morning? This is all connected to him. I bet the secret service guards around him have at least tripled in the last few days — just trying to protect his sorry ass — the HATE could easily backfire.

    – Murphy

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