If I hear the term “golden age” one more time I fear I might lose my mind. (Too late, I know.)

Donald Trump’s visit to Japan went well on Tuesday. His rapport with Sanae Takaichi seemed effortlessly warm. It was as though the entire convocation, which included a rah-rah address to thousands of US servicemembers aboard an aircraft carrier docked at Yokosuka, was overseen and coordinated from the great beyond by Takaichi’s legendary mentor Shinzo Abe, a man whose capacity to curry favor with America’s duly elected Augustus Gloop was unrivaled on the global stage.

Both Trump and Takaichi described a new era of bilateral relations between their two countries (a “golden age,” in the parlance of nationalists), and Abe came up so many times it often felt as though the trip was just a requiem.

Takaichi and Trump recalled fondly their respective relationships with Japan’s longest-serving leader and Trump was lauded for hosting Abe’s widow in Florida and in Washington. Trump, seemingly overcome with fondness for his slain friend, promised to give Takaichi “anything you want.” “Everything I know from Shinzo, you will be one of the great prime ministers,” Trump told her. “I want to just let you know anytime you have any question, any doubt, any favors you need, anything I can do to help, we will be there.”

At one point, Takaichi presented Trump with Abe’s putter displayed in a glass case on a handsome wooden mount. Among other door prizes Trump received: A golf bag autographed by Hideki Matsuyama and MAGA-style baseball hats. The hats read, “Japan Is Back.” The two leaders signed a couple of them in gold paint marker.

The video above’s sad, and not for the reasons MAGA social media spent the morning posting crying emojis. The gift’s nice, sure, and there’s some genuine sentimentality going on there, but let’s not lose track of the fact that if Takaichi could somehow ask Abe, “What can I give Trump that’ll both flatter him and endear him to me?” Abe would’ve thought for a moment, chuckled, and said, “Go find my putter, put in a glass case and present it to him like it’s an priceless katana. He’ll love it.”

Takaichi went overboard — above and beyond — with the flattery. Japan, she told Trump, will send 250 cherry blossom trees to America in honor of the country’s 250th anniversary. Trump will also get a shipment of fireworks similar to those used in Japan’s Omagari Fireworks Festival for his July 4 extravaganza. Trump was served American food at lunch and Takaichi parked a Ford F-150 at Akasaka Palace for their meeting. (Last week, she sealed a deal for Japan to buy a raft of American products including soybeans and F-150s. Trump was pleased. “She has good taste,” he said over the weekend. “That’s a hot truck.”)

Apparently, Takaichi intends to proceed with the $550 billion investment pledge negotiated under her predecessor, whose trade envoy was mercilessly derided in the local media for striking a servile deal. Trump and Howard Lutnick characterize the arrangement as free money that Trump can invest as he sees fit, with nine out of every $10 in profits going to the US once Japan recoups its initial investment. It’s, um, not that simple. In fact, the deal’s not even a “deal,” proper. Rather, it’s a framework and the funding is a mix of loans and guarantees.

Japan’s trade ministry on Tuesday released a fact sheet which was basically just a compendium of hypotheticals — “a list of potential projects,” as Bloomberg put it. In his address to troops on the aircraft carrier, Trump said Toyota’s all set to build production facilities in America “to the tune of over $10 billion.” “Toyota wasn’t mentioned in the trade ministry’s fact sheet,” the same Bloomberg article dryly noted. “And it wasn’t clear what [Trump] was referring to.”

It doesn’t matter. What Trump was referring to, I mean. It never matters. The point of these “deals” isn’t to get anything done, it’s to drum up publicity, and give him something he can tout to gullible American voters who’ll believe anything he says even if there’s no physical evidence to support his claims. Sure, Trump would love it if something comes of all these frameworks (remember: He has similar MOUs with South Korea and a whole list of other countries keen to win tariff reprieves), and I’m sure something will. It’s just a matter of what, where and when. There are no answers to those questions currently.

Last week, I wrote the following of Takaichi’s prospects for ingratiating herself with Trump:

Asia desperately needs a leader who can break through with Trump. Maybe she can be like “beautiful” Giorgia Meloni and win him over with smirks his simple mind mistakes for smiles. She’s a nationalist, she’s a right-winger and she’s a foreign policy hawk. All of that plays well with Trumpian tropes, so by appearances anyway, this is an opportunity for Tokyo to endear itself to a US president who has generally demonstrated an affinity for Japan, despite regularly complaining about imbalanced trade.

Fast forward seven days and I gotta say: She hit it out of the park in their first bilateral.

Speaking of baseball, Takaichi told the media that official business with Trump was delayed so the two of them could watch the World Series together. Shinzo could scarcely have played it better himself.