I assume this is (painfully) obvious, but just in case: I’d rather not spend my days speculating about what may or may not be wrong, physically, with an 81-year-old US president.

I can’t remember exactly what I had in mind when I started writing for public consumption eight long years ago, but I’m quite sure it wasn’t that.

Unfortunately, I have no choice in 2024. Because a few thousand people — God bless each and every one you — come here every day for news, and Joe Biden’s health, if it’s failing, is news.

Biden spent the first day of the new week chiding congressional Democrats (in a letter) and berating unspecified “elites” and “millionaires” (on a morning show), part of an increasingly aggressive effort to quash an uprising in the party ranks. Monday’s theatrics were an encore of sorts for Biden after a weekend spent preaching to the choir, figuratively (at rallies) and literally (at a church).

If you were concerned, you’re still concerned. If you weren’t, you still aren’t. Biden’s efforts over the past 72 hours probably didn’t lose him any support, but I doubt he convinced anyone scared off by the debate debacle. The whole “I had a cold and jet lag, and I couldn’t hear myself think over Trump’s shouting” excuse fell flat. Particularly considering the first 45 minutes of the debate were perhaps the only 45 minutes in the last eight years during which 45 didn’t shout.

I’ve buried the lede: Biden needed another Parkinson’s rumor about like he needed… well, about like he needed Parkinson’s. But when it rains it pours.

According to America’s “paper of record,” a Parkinson’s expert from Walter Reed visited the White House “eight times in eight months” beginning last summer, and met with Biden’s doctor in January.  That’s according to official visitor logs.

“It was unclear,” Peter Baker wrote, whether the expert, Dr. Kevin Cannard, “was at the White House to consult specifically about the president or was there for unrelated meetings.”

Needless to say, Fox and its infernal progeny will have a veritable field day with the report. For the American right, The New York Times is either “fake news” (almost always) or an authoritative source (almost never, but sometimes) depending on whether a given story debunks or supports the GOP’s narrative du jour.

The White House did a decent job deflecting and obfuscating. A spokesman told Baker that all kinds of specialists from Walter Reed visit “the grounds” to look after a whole host of people, said Biden has “no sign of Parkinson’s” and emphasized that the president only sees a neurologist once per year in connection with his annual physical.

(Karine Jean-Pierre refused to answer questions about Cannard on Monday. Anyone expecting something else was kidding themselves. What was she going to say? “Oh, Kevin? Sure I know him. Good guy. Great doctor. I see him all the time when he’s treating the president for Parkinson’s.”)

Cannard met with White House physician Kevin O’Connor and a cardiologist on January 17 “in the early evening,” Baker went on to write, adding that the meeting took place about a month before Biden’s last physical which, according to O’Connor, went fine.

Baker politely (or impolitely, if you’re an irritable Biden) remarked that “an array of neurologists” have suggested Biden might have Parkinson’s based on observing his public appearances, even as they’re all quick (and careful) to note that a diagnosis isn’t possible “without a firsthand examination.”

Late last week, George Stephanopoulos asked Biden if he’d agree to an independent exam “that included neurological and cognitive tests.” “Look. I have a cognitive test every single day,” Biden responded. “Every day I have that test. Not only am I campaigning, but I’m running the world.” (Yes, Mr. President, we know. That’s precisely why everyone’s concerned.)

Of course, we should all cast a wary eye at Baker’s reporting. After all, The New York Times is the “enemy of the people.” America’s last president said so himself. I hear America’s next president isn’t a fan either.