I suppose this goes without saying, but if you find yourself in Pyongyang begging for weapons, something’s gone wrong. You made some poor choices. Now you’re at a banquet with the Kims.
The room’s cavernous but somehow it’s still claustrophobic. His generals are there. Dozens of them. They’re even more decrepit in person. You nudge Sergey with your left elbow, cup your right hand over your mouth and whisper in his ear: “They’re starving.” “Hmm?” “The f–king generals, Lav, they’re starving.” “Me too.” “No idiot, I mean they’re literally starving. Look at ’em.” The decorated, toothless corpse sitting across from you in oversized full military dress asks if anything’s the matter. You motion to your translator. “Tell him we were just admiring the table.”
Your mind starts to race. What if you don’t make it out of here? What if this is it? Not a Ukrainian drone. Not a coup. Not an assassination. But this. Some kind of insane North Korean blood bacchanal?! Panic’s setting in now. Pull it together, pull it together, pull it toge— Trumpets! Kim’s coming down the hall. Everybody stands up as he enters, flanked by his daughter and sister. Everyone claps as he makes his way to the head of the table, a 25-yard trek. You’re in Lavrov’s ear again: “I thought we knew long tables. This is a long table. ”
Finally, he sits down, Kim Ju-ae to his right and Kim Yo Jong to his left. She’s weird. But not so weird as that tween of his. Could she be any creepier? And who’s she staring at? Lavrov? No. Why would she be staring at Serg– oh God, it’s me. She’s staring at me. Why’s she staring at me? And why doesn’t she blink? I’ve never lost a staring contest. Blink damn you, blink. Wait, where’d his right hand go? Is it on her leg? Oh, gross!
You give yourself a pep talk (“Big Tsar, no fear; Big Tsar, no fear”) and start to settle in. You’re just here for the missiles and the ammo, after all. So it’s super eldritch. So what? You knew that. Stay focused, get the guns and… oh, here’s a first course. Roast pheasant. More like burnt pheasant. You saw at it with your knife. Why’s it so tough? Oh no. You start to panic again. Maybe it’s peasant. Roast peasant! He’s feeding us the goddamn villagers!
Aside from dinner, Vladimir Putin’s state visit to Kim Jong-Un’s hermit kingdom went well. Putin was there Wednesday to secure more arms for his conquest of Ukraine, where Volodymyr Zelensky’s forces were bolstered recently by new aid from the US and Europe, as well as a green light from Joe Biden to use mid-range American weapons to target Russian forces across the border, which is to say inside Russia.
In one of innumerable propaganda images from the pomp, Putin and Kim are seen striding through Kim Il-sung Square under giant portraits of themselves. North Korean children holding miniature flags and balloons leap and cheer. By appearances, damn near the whole city was there.
Kim also hung banners of Putin along Pyongyang’s highways so he (Putin) could look at his own face while being escorted by a cartoonishly elaborate security convoy.
It wasn’t all under-the-table deals in Pyongyang. Putin and Kim made a show of resurrecting a Cold War mutual defense alliance between Russia and North Korea. The mutual assistance pact would call Russia to North Korea’s defense and vice versa in the event either nation is the target of “aggression.” Nobody specified whether that assistance would necessarily entail war declarations or direct military operations, but Putin was keen to emphasize that the Kremlin “doesn’t exclude military-technical cooperation.”
Suffice to say Putin’s no longer interested in participating in any sort of international project to curtail Kim’s military ambitions, including the development of (more) nukes and ICMBs capable of hitting US cities.
Russia in March effectively killed a UN arrangement that monitored sanctions enforcement against the North with an eye towards limiting Kim’s nuclear procurement efforts. North Korea, Putin said Wednesday, “has the right to… strengthen its own defense capabilities” in order to “ensure national security and protect its sovereignty.” Unironically. Putin unironically played up a nation’s right to protect its own sovereignty.
Although neither Moscow nor Pyongyang released the full text of the security agreement (at least not initially), the idea was to rekindle a 1961 treaty which lapsed when the Soviet Union fell apart. Kim described the revived deal as “the most powerful agreement.” Putin, he said, possesses “outstanding foresight” and is “the dearest friend of the Korean people.”
To mark the visit, his first in nearly a quarter century, Putin published an Op-Ed in North Korea’s state-run newspaper. Kim, Putin gushed, is a hero for standing up to a US-led “neocolonialist dictatorship.”
“Big Tsar, no fear – haha that’s just too good ?
The dinner narrative is priceless! Thanks
Agreed
Agreed, Mr H’s top humour.
For a second I could’ve sworn this was the plot of the movie that came up in my Tubi autoplay rotation late last night. But then I realized Claire Danes was in that, and there are no female characters in this.
There are two female characters. The sister and “beloved daughter,” as the North calls Kim Ju-ae.
Yes, they appear to be female from a biological perspective. Not sure what gender they identify with.
Cold War I was won by the West through economic might – the USSR’s economy essentially couldn’t keep up with the defense race at an acceptable economic cost. Now for Cold War II. Russia under Putin is more willing to deprive its civilian economy but also has less economic reserve capacity – witness Putin begging Kim for artillery shells. Russia’s best weapon now is propaganda and political disinformation to disorganize the West; if the West can counter that and stay focused, it and its allies (here’s looking at you, South Korea) can outproduce Russia in every manner of weapon and munition in short order. If Ukraine’s forces are amply supplied, Russia’s losses can rise through 1MM, 2MM, etc (that’s dead, so some multiple of that for severe injuries), Russia will lose the war, and Putin will likely not survive that. China is a different and much greater challenge, but may take some lesson from what it sees happening to Russia.
But the “West” is imploding- UK is in chaos, the survival of the euro/EU is going to be tested not only in France but by immigration throughout the EU, the US might be about ready to elect a morally deficient person who thinks he is above the constitution.
All of these countries want to print lots of currency. I am just hoping this is a slow motion implosion.
“Printing lots of currency” doesn’t have anything to do with anything. And France can’t print currency. Is there any amount of “currency” the US can “print” that’s going to make you want to convert your life savings to rubles?