Tell Us More Rudy Giuliani. Please, God Tell Us More.

By Five Dollar Feminist as originally published over at Wonkette and reposted here with permission

cohen

Well, it’s finally happened. We’ve reached the inevitable stage of YES COLLUSION! YES COLLUSION! WE ARE THE COLLUSION, AND IT’S TOTALLY FINE! Take it away, Rudy Giuliani.

In a recent interview with HuffPost, Giuliani initially disputed the notion that Trump’s daily citing, in the final month of his campaign, of Russian-aligned WikiLeaks and its release of Russian-stolen emails constituted “colluding” with Russia.

“It is not,” Giuliani said.

Then he switched tacks.

“OK, and if it is, it isn’t illegal… It was sort of like a gift,” he said. “And you’re not involved in the illegality of getting it.”

It’s sort of like a gift. One that Trump repeatedly asked for. And that his dipshit son coordinated for him. And that his good buddy Roger Stone announced in advance.

Hey, remember when Giuliani claimed to be an expert on campaign finance law because that one time he spent $61 million to win zero states in the 2008 Republican primary? That was the day he claimed it was cool, bruh that Michael Cohen paid off Stormy Daniels 12 days before the election because Donald Trump reimbursed him eventually.

Hey, Rudy! You wanna keep talking that crazy shit to HuffPost?

You say stolen. I say, emails that were put out in the public domain. You’d also have to believe that U.S. intelligence was correct. They’ve been right about a lot of things. They’ve been wrong about a lot of things. I certainly wouldn’t trust Clapper or Brennan as far as I could throw them.

Watch your back, Michael Cohen! You leave your man alone, and he’ll go find some hot young thing to whisper sweet lunacies in his ear and forget all about you.

And Rudy’s workin’ hard for that NO MONEY! By day he shakes his tailfeathers on television, smacktalking James Comey and Andy McCabe as lying leakers. From the car, he calls reporters and tells them that Robert Mueller totally said that he plans to wrap up the obstruction investigation by September so as not to interfere with the midterms. And reporters actually print that shit like it could be true!

We are old enough to remember when this guy insisted that the investigation would be over in two weeks, but please, tell us more about the time when Robert Mueller sat down with Rudy Giuliani for a long heart-to-heart about legal strategy! Because that is exactly how prosecutors do it.

“We said we wanted the questions limited to Russian collusion,” one of the sources with knowledge of the President’s legal strategy tells CNN. Since that aspect of the investigation deals with the Trump campaign and transition team’s interactions with Russians, it would exclude questions about Trump’s actions once in office. And even within the pre-presidency category, Trump’s lawyers want to narrow what questions the prosecutors can ask.

The focus on Trump’s conduct prior to assuming the presidency also would exclude questions about the firing of then-FBI Director James Comey and possible obstruction of justice.

One possibility Trump’s lawyers are discussing is a combination of in-person and written answers: a limited Trump interview on Russia pre-presidency matters plus written answers to questions regarding obstruction.

Oh, “a source” told you that, CNN? REALLY??? And you printed it like it was just a normal part of negotiations between prosecutors and defense attorneys?

However, the sources caution that Mueller has suggested he is not inclined to agree to written answers to questions.

WHAT. EVER.

But back to Rudy, who ends his day with the Big Guy himself ALLEGEDLY.

“You’re doing great, Tiger!” He whispers. “We’ve got those bastards on the ropes, and Mueller’s going down!” Then he tucks the baby president into bed with a Bic Mac, and makes sure the phone is charged up. Soon it will be time for a conjugal visit with Trump’s real wife — he usually calls when he gets off the air for a sexxxxxy bedtime story. Maybe that one about Hillary going to jail, and Andy McCabe going to jail, and James Comey going to jail, and James Clapper going to jail, and Rosie O’Donnell going to jail …

Just a few grunts, and the leader of the free world rolls over and falls asleep on a cheeseburger. Gotta wake up early and start the day with his good buddies at Fox.

DEAR GOD.

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One thought on “Tell Us More Rudy Giuliani. Please, God Tell Us More.

  1. “From the car, he calls reporters and tells them that Robert Mueller totally said that he plans to wrap up the obstruction investigation by September so as not to interfere with the midterms. And reporters actually print that shit like it could be true!”

    I can’t tell you how batshit crazy it would be for Mueller to render segmented factual fundings and conclusions of law in a report solely on the issue of “obstruction.” Which obstruction would be addressed here? Trump has engaged in so many identifiable and distinguishable acts of criminal “obstruction,” or “delay,” or “hinder” as to require a report containing 10-15 chapters, with each chapter addressing a single criminal act having corrupt intent to “obstruct,” or “delay,” or “hinder.”

    And what if Mueller was to render such a report finding overwhelming factual evidence to support legal findings of corrupt intent to “obstruct,” or “delay,” or “hinder?” Then what are the chances of Trump allowing the witch hunt to proceed and his not going completely off his rocker, firing Rosenstein, appointing his replacement and thereby gutting the Mueller investigation?

    Since the underlying facts that relate to the various counts of criminal “obstruction,” “delay,” or “hinder,” also relate to the other investigation, we can be certain that this first report will be highly redacted, thereby exposing it to charges of coverup.

    Batshit crazy is an understatement.

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