Michael Cohen Trump wonkette

In Retrospect, AT&T Realizes Paying Michael Cohen Was A Terrible, Terrible Idea

"Well, this is awkward."

By Five Dollar Feminist as originally published over at Wonkette and reposted here with permission


Well, this is awkward.

YA THINK? Three days after the inauguration, you guys ink a deal to pay Trump’s idiot lawyer $50,000/month for “insights” into the president’s thought process (LOL!) and the inner working of the White House? Michael Cohen can’t even keep a porn star quiet, but his deep thoughts on a multi-billion dollar telecoms merger are worth more than the best lobbyists in DC?


By way of background, last year AT&T was seeking approval for a merger with Time Warner to provide you, the media consumer, with better service. Just kidding — they want a bigger monopoly so they can jack up your cable bill even more. Welcome to late-stage capitalism!

Time Warner owns CNN, or as Donald Trump puts it “very FAKE NEWS CNN.” Coulda been worse, though …

Oh, Mike Huckabee!

Donald Trump has long been on record opposing the merger, saying on the campaign trail,

As an example of the power structure I’m fighting, AT&T is buying Time Warner and thus CNN, a deal we will not approve in my administration because it’s too much concentration of power in the hands of too few.

Which sounds very high-minded, if you ignore all the other crazy shit he’s said and tweeted about CNN.

Because there’s no better way to ensure confidence in the impartiality of the executive branch than attacking media outlets for their political coverage and making fun of Jeff Zucker’s height. Also, there was that time when Jared Kushner made a HAHA FUNNY JOKE and told Time Warner Executive Gary Ginsburg to fire 20% of CNN’s staff for having predicted Clinton would win the election. That Jared, always yukkin’ it up!

For the record, you can be against the merger (which we are) and still think that using the Justice Department to target your political opponents is wildly un-American (which we do).

But back to AT&T, which seems to have gotten exactly nothing in exchange for the $600,000 it wired to Cohen’s sexxxytimes payoff shell company Essential Consultants, LLC. In theory, Cohen would “focus on specific long-term planning initiatives as well as the immediate issue of corporate tax reform and the acquisition of Time Warner.” After which he would run a sub-3-hour marathon and give a coherent explanation of attorney-client privilege, we guess.

In fact, the Justice Department sued to block the merger on anti-trust grounds, Robert Mueller came knocking with a lot of unpleasant questions, the whole sordid arrangement was exposed, and AT&T’s top DC executive is “retiring” immediately. So that worked out well!

Pro Tip: When you’re trying to buy influence, make sure the peddler actually has some to sell you! And is not Michael Cohen. Who is A IDIOT!

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2 comments on “In Retrospect, AT&T Realizes Paying Michael Cohen Was A Terrible, Terrible Idea

  1. You’d think AT&T and the other billion dollar companies had access to things like the internet, DuckDuckGo, Google, TV, radio, something we folks call “social media,” and newspapers, where they could have spent 3 minutes to find out that they were about to do business with a dubious thug. In 2016 the web was replete with stories about Cohen and no doubt these companies knew quite well and were all on notice prior to entering into the corrupt contract with Cohen exactly who he was: A thug/bag-man with excellent ties to the Thug-in-Chief.

    Obviously they hoped to get protection from attacks like these: a quid pro quo that leaves no evidence of what the corporations got in return for payment:

    And if possible, a bit of affirmative influence or action wouldn’t hurt either.

  2. Fritzell

    We’re still waiting to find how much of the cash paid to EC ended up in Trump’s bank account. I’m thinking a 60/40 split would be about right.

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