Trump Grabs Irony By The Pussy, Says FBI, DOJ Are ‘Sacred’ And Can’t Be Politicized

In stone, cold proof that irony is indeed dead, Donald Trump is up early on Friday tweeting about the FBI (as he’s prone to do) and how the politicizing of the nation’s law enforcement and investigative apparatus is an unacceptable turn of events.

Specifically, the obstructor-of-justice- in-chief thinks maybe the upper echelon of the Bureau and also the DoJ are out to get him and he’s probably right, because you know, he’s a criminal and the FBI and the DoJ frown on criminality.

See the thing is, the “investigative process” is “sacred” and shouldn’t be weaponized against one’s political foes. Here’s Trump to genius-splain it:

Why yes, politicizing the FBI and the DoJ “would have” indeed been “unthinkable just a short time ago.” And by “short time ago”, I’m thinking, oh, maybe 12 months ago.

But if it was “unthinkable” prior to January 2017, it became par for Bedminster thereafter, because when it comes to literally instructing the FBI and the DoJ to investigate one’s political foes, no one does it like Trump:

Just so we’re clear, that was Trump, just three months(ish) ago, demanding, on Twitter, in all-caps, with an exclamation point, that the FBI and the DoJ investigate Democrats and Hillary Clinton. 

And this is the same Trump who i) demanded loyalty from the former FBI Director who he then fired, ii) demanded to know who the Deputy FBI Director voted for, iii) demanded that the assistant AG (who drafted the letter to fire the FBI Director from whom Trump asked for a loyalty pledge) make clear whose “side he was on”, iv) considered firing his own AG for recusing himself from a probe into whether the campaign conspired with a hostile foreign power, and v) tried to fire the special counsel who was appointed by the deputy AG to investigate that same collusion after the FBI director was fired.

Now, he’s going to make sure that the FBI and the DoJ are never “politicized” again and the way he’s going to do that is to politicize them by the pussy courtesy of a made-up memo he forced Devin Nunes to write, which will now be released to the public at the apparent expense of national security on the way to cleaning house at that same FBI and that same DoJ where he will invariably install “friendlies” on the way to probably firing Robert Mueller.

Remember, he’s doing this for you America. This is all about #MAGA and restoring the integrity of America’s “sacred” institutions by first burning them to the ground and rebuilding them with people who sign over their souls to a 72-year-old WWE hall of fame inductee who spends his evenings with a Big Mac in one hand and his dick in the other while jerking off to Fox News.

What say you Comey?…

All should appreciate the FBI speaking up. I wish more of our leaders would. But take heart: American history shows that, in the long run, weasels and liars never hold the field, so long as good people stand up. Not a lot of schools or streets named for Joe McCarthy.

— James Comey (@Comey) February 1, 2018