Trump Says FBI Conspired With Russia And Dems To Create Fake Hooker Pee Tape, Begs You To Focus On Uranium

Donald Trump is up early on Thursday and guess what? He’s furious.

Recall what we said on Wednesday afternoon:

It’s like watching a sitcom where there’s a new episode every, single day. And you always get a preview of what today’s plot will be by tuning into his Twitter feed between 6 a.m. and 7:30. He’s like Jack Torrance knocking on your damn bedroom door every morning:

“Little pigs, little pigs… let me come in”…

 

Last night, Fox apparently tried to placate this maniac by making up a figure that suggests nearly half of America thinks there’s a conspiracy against him, so you can imagine their disappointment when 46% wasn’t a big enough number for him:

Inventing

As you can see, that was at 11:03 last night. Fast forward eight hours (so basically, he tweeted that right before bed and then the very first thing he did when he woke up was get back on Twitter) and we got this:

Trump1

Yes, “who knows?” Because it’s hard to make any accurate predictions when lawmakers can’t be sure whether they’ll be the subject of an angry tweet ahead of the vote.

But it got better. He started in on the uranium thing:

Clinto0n

Now look, this is (another) one of those times when you have to ask yourself what the real “ruse” is, right? There’s obviously something to the story he’s referencing but it gets back to common sense. What’s more likely to be “a ruse”?  The entire U.S. intelligence apparatus telling you that Russia hacked the election, lawmakers on both sides of the aisle who have seen that intelligence conducting simultaneous investigations into that same hacking, a special counsel looking into the same thing, and a veritable parade of tech executives admitting that all kinds of shenanigans were afoot on their own platforms in and around the election, or Donald Trump harping on a story about how Obama and Hillary conspired to enrich the Clinton family via a uranium conspiracy? I mean give me a break. And besides, it all gets back to the same damn thing: Trump is the President. Hillary Clinton is not. So you know, we kinda want to know what’s going on with him and when we discover that he’s spending every waking second obsessing over wild goose chases that have absolutely no relevance for anything that’s currently going on, it’s kinda disconcerting, no?

Of course he wasn’t done. Here he is talking about whether he had some prostitutes pee on beds:

Dossier

Got that? Trump wants you to believe that the Russians were conspiring with the Democrats and the FBI to cook up a fake report about hookers pissing on bed sheets. I mean, what the actual f*ck?

So there’s a sneak peek at Thursday’s episode of Trumplandia. Stay tuned, because it will be playing on repeat all damn day.

Oh, and by the way, don’t forget that Trump is a man who knows a lot about uranium and the “lots of things” you can do with it…

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9 thoughts on “Trump Says FBI Conspired With Russia And Dems To Create Fake Hooker Pee Tape, Begs You To Focus On Uranium

  1. Some attention does need to be paid to the Uranium deal.
    I know the Clinton foundation contributions are legal but they really don’t pass the smell test.
    Agreed?

  2. I’m not an infowars fan.
    Just common sense tells you when someone is giving you money you will naturally be inclined to look favourably on their requests

    • No, that is not common sense!! But it certainly indicates you would be an undesirable prospect for public office. That swamp is already polluted!

      Anyone (including Anonymous posting here too) that continues to believe that Hillary sold Uranium to Russia is out of their minds with ignorance! There is plenty of factual information available on that subject if you would look for it and turn off FOX — and I have trouble believing you are not a fan of Jones.

  3. Just saying “what the fuck?” after every paragraph like a standup comedian, cueing the audience for the laugh, doesn’t diminish the hypocrisy of the whole Republicans are Russians meme.

    The uranium deal is definitive. The actors in this story are known. Several have pleaded guilty to kickbacks and money laundering. The husband of the Secretary of State received 1/2 million dollars for a few speeches, and his foundation received many millions, and the Ruskies got a significant interest in some Uranium mines.

    The Russian election interference story is also real, but nebulous. Many unknown actors did a lot of small things, primarily spreading propaganda. Big deal. Political campaigns are full of propaganda. A few hundred thousand dollars changed hands, buying political ads that probably changed no one’s mind.

    • LOL!! I really like the wiki chart of uranium rich countries. Russia produces more than double the uranium than the U.S. does but some of “these people” continue to believe that Hillary cleverly sold off tons of U.S. uranium — which once again, the current Clown President wants us to believe it and also not to believe he hired some prostitutes to pee….his poor wife. She should just take her half and leave his fat ass. Does this moron seriously believe that the FBI colluded with Russia to defame him? Better yet, does his wife believe that shit? LOL!!

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